Reciprocity
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Jeff's reunion with his estranged father on Thanksgiving inspires Annie to face her estranged mother before Christmas. Jeff is the only one she tells about it, but he then surprises her by offering to come with her for support. Jeff/Annie; also features my second version of Annie's mother. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Spoilers for episode 405, since this is kind of like that episode in reverse. I'm also delving back into the Annie's mom well, despite already writing about Annie having a rotten mother in the "Oedipal Wreck" series that launched my Community fic career. But Annie's mom in this one isn't Carol Edison – although it doesn't mean she's more pleasant.**

Annie didn't have to tell Jeff what she was doing before Christmas. After all, he didn't willingly tell anyone what he was doing for Thanksgiving. He wanted to keep that a secret, and if Annie wanted to keep her own plans secret, telling Jeff would make it harder.

But she had already worked out how to keep it from Troy, Abed and Britta. Getting Jeff not to get involved in someone else's business would be easier.

Besides, now that the last day of the semester was over, Jeff wasn't an official Greendale student anymore. He'd probably be too busy celebrating his upcoming freedom to tell anyone. That was for the best.

After their last Christmas adventure in Greendale ended, and all the tinsel and giant toy body parts were cleaned up, Annie found Jeff alone in the parking lot just in time.

"Jeff? Um, listen," Annie stumbled at the start. "If you or anyone else needs me on December 23, or early on Christmas Eve….I won't be there, okay?"

"Wow, that explains so much," Jeff quipped. "How could that be any clearer?"

Annie was foolish enough to think Jeff would be so happy today, he'd make this easier. Well, she'd have time to miss that like crazy when he was gone.

"I'm serious, Jeff. I told Troy and Abed I was going on a pre-Christmas road trip. They were too busy suggesting Christmas road trip movie parodies to ask where. Which was the point," Annie smirked before getting serious again. "If Britta hears about it like that, she won't ask questions or bug me like she bugged you."

"Okay, you mentioned me. That's a sure fire way to keep my interest," Jeff kept joking.

"I'm going to mention you again, but give me a few minutes, okay?"Annie insisted. "The truth is….I'm going out to see my mother."

Jeff didn't say anything, which likely meant he didn't get how important this was, or couldn't make another joke. Instead, he answered, "Your mother? The one who disowned you when you wanted real help for your pill problem? That mother?"

"You remember she did that?" Annie gasped. "Wait, _I_ never remember how much I told you guys about her."

"All I know is I heard enough," Jeff said grimly. "I figured you visited your family on your father's side on Thanksgiving. At least he kicked himself out and didn't kick you out too. Your mom went the other way, so I didn't think you wanted to see her again."

Annie was amazed Jeff got all that right – and paid attention to her comments about Thanksgiving. But if she wondered any more about that, she'd never get through the rest of this.

"I haven't seen her in person in a long time, Jeff. But I thought it was time to change that. So I arranged to see her on December 23 at my old home. I'll stay the night, try to get some closure, and see if she's sorry now. If it goes bad, at least I'll recover on Christmas Eve before you guys make me happy again on Christmas. The math works out," Annie reasoned.

"Why would you want to work it out with her?" Jeff asked, without any sarcasm, accusations of Annie being naïve, or his usual bitterness about family.

"Because you inspired me to, Jeff," Annie dropped the bomb.

"What? I know I'm an inspiration, but…." Jeff seemed too stunned to finish.

"Jeff, you have worse hang-ups about being abandoned than I do. You had 26 years of that. But you faced them on Thanksgiving anyway, and it's made you so much better. For the most part," Annie jabbed. "If you can finally face your father and be better for it, why can't I do that with my mother?"

"Well, you already did that at rehab, right?" Jeff answered.

"But I've been too afraid to ever since. And she hasn't given me a chance to try," Annie admitted. "I stood up to her after the worst day of my life. Now that I'm so different, I should have faced her again a long time ago. But I didn't, and it's still an open wound for me. One way or another, I have to close it."

"And I made you want to sow it up?" Jeff double checked.

"Jeff, you were braver with your dad on Thanksgiving than I've been with my mom for the last four years. Even if Britta forced you most of the time. That's enough of a wake-up call for me," Annie said.

"So if it goes the wrong way, I'll be the bad guy? Is that why you're warning me?" Jeff wondered.

"I'm not warning you, I'm thanking you," Annie answered. "I can't live in fear from my mom anymore. You made me see that without even trying. So no matter how it goes, before I do anything, I thought you deserved a thank you."

"A private thank you. Since you're not telling anyone else but me," Jeff realized.

"If anyone understands, it's you, right?" Annie tried to say jokingly. "If it goes well, I'll tell everyone then. If not….I'd rather not be reminded of it. You get it and you have other things to celebrate right now, so I can trust you. Right?"

"Uh, sure, of course," was all Jeff had to say.

"Good. Okay, so thanks again, and….I'll see you back here when you graduate," Annie stated, trying not to let any awkwardness at that – or any other feelings – get in the way. But she got away before Jeff's face could do that to her.

In truth, Annie hadn't exactly called her mom and offered to come over yet. But talking about it out loud with Jeff, and reminding herself why she had to do this, was meant to give her the strength. It finally made her strong enough a day later.

Off and on phone calls over the next week finally yielded an accord, with a few days to spare. This gave Annie time to prepare and make sure none of her roommates – or their psych major girlfriends – suspected anything.

It all seemed to work out by Christmas Eve Eve morning. Troy and Abed let her go without any questions – and only a few more pitches for Christmas road movie spoofs. Britta hadn't bothered her and Jeff hadn't talked to her, so all was going according to plan.

However, Annie's plan didn't include Jeff standing outside her apartment building when she came out. Yet there he was.

"Why didn't you ask me about Thanksgiving?" Jeff blindsided her further.

"Jeff, what….huh?" Annie asked without proper grammar for once.

"Why didn't you talk to me when you heard my Thanksgiving plans? Why didn't you ask me about what happened that night? Or any night? You didn't bother me at all, and that's kind of….not like you. Especially with our shared history of rotten parents," Jeff laid out.

"Wait, are you mad because I didn't bug you?" Annie asked incredulously. "Because I wasn't trying to be like Britta?"

"Well, as stomach churning as her means were, the ends did kind of work out," Jeff acknowledged as reluctantly as possible.

"The means were still kind of rotten, Jeff," Annie frowned. "She got away with it because she's your shrink. And because the only way she makes things work is by total accident. That doesn't mean I could do that to you. You're right, we have a shared history of bad parents. So why would I _ever _force you to face it like she did?"

"Because you know how it feels? Because you thought you could have helped better?" Jeff predicted.

"I could have, if that's what you wanted. But you clearly didn't want anyone to know. Like I don't want anyone else to know about today yet. It wouldn't have helped to nag you, and I knew way better to do it on _that _issue," Annie revealed. "So I stayed out of it like you wanted."

"But you didn't even ask about it afterwards," Jeff said.

"I figured your Greendale dinner said everything you wanted to. They were beautiful words. Not to mention turkey legs," Annie smiled. "I figured there was no point in making you say any more."

"You weren't mad at me from keeping it from you? Or not reaching out to you?" Jeff asked.

"Jeff, you weren't singling me out. You didn't reach out to anyone. Not on purpose, anyway. And I know why," Annie reminded. "I couldn't be mad at you for that. Sure, I was worried about you, but it wasn't my place to say or do anything."

"And you were fine with that?" Jeff kept pressing,

"You wouldn't have wanted my help, and it turned out you didn't need it. It worked out for you and that's all that matters," Annie capped off.

Jeff didn't answer right away. He was making the same curious, unusually open and thoughtful face he made at the parking lot. The one Annie tried not to think about while she negotiated with her mother. Yet he was leaving her no choice but to face it now.

"I'm sorry, Annie," Jeff began. "You thought I was a good person all these years. But I'm about to finally prove you wrong."

"Jeff, you don't need to make me _more _confused," Annie warned.

"You understood me and cared about me enough to stay clear on Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, I can't be that considerate for Christmas," Jeff explained.

"What does that mean?" Annie asked.

"You're the forensics wiz. I gave you enough clues to solve it," Jeff retreated.

Annie frowned at Jeff closing himself off again now, before he really explained anything. He did say the clues were all there, however.

All those questions about why Annie didn't help him with his dad issues….the comments about her staying out of the way and him not being so considerate….his Lexus being right there with him….him being here before she went to see her mom….

The evidence had to be wrong. Solid, incorruptible evidence had to be wrong one time, so it might as well be now. It had to be.

"Okay, I _know _the answer isn't….I mean, it couldn't be," Annie tried to argue, but really couldn't. Jeff stayed perfectly still, but he wasn't denying anything or backing down.

That left no doubt, as improbable as it was. "You want to come with me and meet my mother?" Annie whispered in shock.

"You said I inspired you, so I might as well see my handiwork," Jeff said with somewhat fake nonchalance. "At least it wouldn't be all my fault if it goes south. Besides, I already faced my dad and bumped off Pierce's, so why not go for the hat trick?"

"You're not killing my mom, Jeff!" Annie called out before she caught herself.

"I wouldn't dream of taking that job from you. I mean, if it comes to that," Jeff corrected.

"What am I supposed to think, Jeff?" Annie said. "This is _my_ mother. Facing her is something I should probably do alone. Like you would have done if it wasn't for Britta."

"But by some impossible miracle, I did better with her there. If she can do it, just imagine how I'd kick ass at it. Especially for someone who's way better without parents than I am," Jeff added. "I figure that earns you some extra support."

Annie had too many questions about why he wanted to give that support. Him willingly giving support like this was a 50/50 possibility, on good days. When it came to stuff involving parents of any kind, it was usually 1/99.

Facing his dad couldn't have changed him that rapidly. If it didn't, why would he do this for her anyway?

If Annie got into issues like that, she'd be here all day and be super late. Therefore, she'd have to rush this a bit. "What if I said no?" Annie checked.

"Then I'd be the opposite of Britta and stay away. It wouldn't be my undisputed first choice, but I'd do it," Jeff conceded.

"I'm going to stay the night there, Jeff. You can't honestly want to be there that long," Annie got risky in pointing out.

"Not if I don't have to," Jeff asked with less awkwardness than Annie expected, given her choice of words. "I'll see how it goes to start off, and once you say you can take it from there, I'll go. Again, opposite of Britta," he bragged.

"How would you even act around her?" Annie wondered.

"I sucked the withered life out of Pierce's dad, then I let my dad live. I'm getting better with parents as I go along, so I should be fine with this one," Jeff predicted.

"It has to go more than fine, Jeff. She can't have new reasons to be disappointed in me," Annie pleaded.

"And I'd be a reason?" Jeff asked with a somewhat odd tone.

"She can turn anything into a reason. She did it for 18 years. And part of me _still _wants her to take me back," Annie lamented. "I know that sounds stupid to you, and it kind of does to me too. But I haven't had a real parent for over half my life….if I ever really had any at all. But I still want one so much," she finished as her voice broke.

"You're right. It's easy for me to think that's stupid. Still, I'm pretty good at helping people dumb down. Even you sometimes," Jeff admitted.

"I guess I can't really argue with that," Annie said, kidding as best she could.

"This time I want to help you do something dumb on purpose," Jeff offered. "Reconciling with terrible parents isn't my jam. But if that's what you want, I promise I'll try not to screw it up."

Despite that promise, Annie still felt like she'd be a hypocrite for allowing this – to say nothing of Jeff. This would be hard enough by herself, let alone without worrying about him. Did he really have a more legitimate reason to intrude on this than Britta had?

Yet Jeff got the guts to face his dad on his own, whereas Annie wouldn't have faced her mom if it wasn't for Jeff. In a way, didn't that make it more fitting for him to be here? More right, even?

Still, this was her issue, not Jeff's. Albeit one he understood better than anyone she ever met.

She tried to show her understanding by staying out of his business, no matter how worried she was about him. She went out of her comfort zone by _not _giving into her instincts to help. But he was going out of his comfort zone by _actually _helping.

Maybe if Annie wanted her mom to swallow her pride and reach out, she should set the example. Especially towards someone who'd earned it.

"1217 Harmon Lane, Jeff. That's where we're going. I'm sure your Lexus can keep up," Annie challenged.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Annie a half hour to drive to her old childhood home. Jeff followed close behind until she parked in front of a pristine, two story suburban house straight from one of Annie's favorite rom-coms. This was a clear sign that they were at the right place.

Once Jeff found a place to park, he came out and saw Annie. She was holding her overnight sleeping bag and standing in front of the house's picket fence. Of course it had a picket fence.

"I haven't seen my mom in a while," Annie filled in. "But I haven't been _here_ since…."

"The day of your breakdown," Jeff took a shot in the dark.

"She just sent all my things to rehab afterwards. She wouldn't even let me come here to get them," Annie remembered. "Now here I am after all."

Annie let herself feel sad for a second, then built herself back up. If she stayed quiet, Jeff would probably offer to take her away, or say they didn't have to do this. But both options were out of the question.

Before herself or Jeff could talk her out of it, Annie opened the fence and marched to the front door. She waited for Jeff to catch up, then stared at the door and prepared to make a fateful knock.

Instead, her eyes briefly looked over and saw the house's zip code – and the name Dolores Edison below.

Seeing her mother's name for the first time in years jolted Annie. Yet she knew this would be nothing compared to seeing her in person. Those phone calls they had really weren't enough to prepare her. Nothing was, really.

Annie took a few deep breaths while Jeff backed up to give her room to flee. But even then, she knew running wasn't a choice. She had to do this so she could stop running from her mother's memory, her impact and the hole she left behind. Whatever the result was, it had to be done.

If she couldn't do it now, she'd never have the guts again. Then she'd be every awful thing her mother thought she was, even now. Then she might never know better – and neither would Annie.

"I can do this," Annie muttered just loud enough. Fueled by that mantra, she stood up straight and knocked on the poor in a poised, proper fashion. After that, Annie briefly heard Jeff say "Huh," before the sounds of silence consumed her.

They were shortly drowned out by the sound of the door opening. Then Annie was greeted with the sight of a properly dressed, short haired brunette in her late 40's. She hadn't seen this sight for a long time, but she had never forgotten it, no matter how hard she tried.

As this vision from the past filled her eyes, Annie literally felt like she was four years younger. Mainly by how she said, "Hello, mother," just like she used to.

And like she used to, Dolores Edison answered back with, "Hello, Anne."

Hearing her name said like that again shook Annie out of her trance. She briefly wondered if she should correct her, to establish she wasn't 'Anne' anymore. But perhaps it'd be best to ease into her new self, so her mother could get used to it.

Then again, she wasn't carrying this out by herself now. Her mother soon noticed and asked, "Is this one of your school friends?" she asked with subtle but all too obvious condescension.

Annie worried how Jeff would respond, yet he seemed fine as he put on the Winger charm. "Yes, as a matter of fact. Jeffrey Winger at your service, ma'mm. But your daughter tends to call me Jeff."

Okay, so he was being charming while mocking her at the same time. He could have used a better opening tactic. Yet he seemed to realize that himself, given the subtle but all too obvious look of guilt.

Whether Annie's mother saw it or not, she responded, "Jeffrey will do just fine," before stepping back to let the two in.

Annie went inside first, once again feeling like she went back in time – without even needing a magic time booth. Maybe it wasn't safe to think like that in here just yet. Nevertheless, she had the memories of home to distract her.

The walls and floor still looked spic and span. The couch and chairs were exactly where she remembered them. There were no holiday decorations of any kind, since Hanukah was over and Christmas was a dirty word in here. It still appeared to be the home of a large, welcoming family, despite how only one historically unwelcoming woman lived here.

This helped Annie notice the one big difference since she last came here. There wasn't a photo or any other trace of her existence to be found.

"So explain to me again why you're here. You weren't completely clear over the phone," Ms. Edison said, thankfully snapping Annie out of it.

"I just thought it was time to catch up," Annie regurgitated her pitch. "School will be over for me soon. I figured you should know what I've been up to before then."

"You could have told me all that over the phone. You didn't have to come over to do it," Ms. Edison pointed out, which Annie should have seen coming.

"That's right, mother, I didn't have to," Annie spoke properly. "But I wanted to. It made sense to get some closure on my old life before I started my new one."

"Anne, you've had your new life for over four years. Are you telling me you _just _started it now?" Ms. Edison nitpicked. Some things really never changed.

"No, not like that. Well, some parts of it, maybe. But the rest is new," Annie defended.

"Then that means you're not expelled anymore, correct?" Ms. Edison threw Annie off.

"You knew about that?" Annie gasped.

"Of course I did. The Greendale 7 were in the middle of every front page section that day. I can't tell you how many of my colleagues kept showing me anyway," Ms. Edison scoffed. "It made me glad I wasn't any closer to the whole thing."

Before Annie could gasp at her not-so-subtle meaning, Jeff finally chimed in with, "Then I'm sure you read about how we got back into school. And how we couldn't have done it without Annie."

"What? Jeff, that's not really true. All you needed me to do was look like a boy," Annie corrected.

"Is that the version she needed to hear?" Jeff asked quietly.

"Well, the last thing that'll help is lying to her," Annie whispered back, albeit not quietly enough.

"So it seems I taught you some things after all. Shame that I still appear to be the best teacher you've ever had," Ms. Edison stated.

"All right, there's no arguing with her on that one," Jeff admitted, drawing the first chuckle of the day from Ms. Edison. Annie tried not to let that shake her too much.

"Yes, I hear most of Anne's activities through scandalous reports about her 'school.' Or from gossip that gets back to me from _his _side of the family," Ms. Edison barely acknowledged her ex-husband. "But from what I heard, she didn't go to _his _Thanksgiving dinner this year. And her 'school' must have kept its natural disasters quiet this semester. So you can forgive me for not being up to date."

"The important thing is I'm back at school, I'm still getting straight A's, and I know what I want to do with my life. It's just where we always dreamed I'd be at by now," Annie hoped her mother would understand.

"Still, we interpreted and carried out those dreams pretty differently," Ms. Edison noted. "But dreams usually look better than reality. And things tend to look brighter in the past than the present."

Annie sighed to herself, disappointed but not too surprised at this rough start. Ms. Edison didn't notice as she continued, "Speaking of which, I'm sure Jeffrey would like a tour of your old home before we sit down. He's your guest, so I'm sure you want to show him every courtesy. Correct?"

"Yes, of course, mother," Annie conceded. "Jeff, do you want to see where I grew up?"

"I'm getting a clear picture of it already. But go ahead and fill in the rest," Jeff granted, with more sass than Annie was comfortable with.

She let him know it when her mother left the room by whispering," What the hell, Jeff?"

"_Me _what the hell?" he whispered back. "You're the host, _Anne_. Why don't you answer first?"

"Jeff, I know, okay? But I knew she wouldn't warm up right away," Annie answered. "Just let her get her little jabs out of the way, then I can impress her for real."

"Really? _That's _why we're here?" Jeff questioned. Before Annie could nitpick his meaning, her mother returned with drinks. She only had Annie's old favorite juice for her, since she didn't know if Annie liked alcohol now. That was her way of putting it.

Once Annie brushed it off, they took their drinks and walked through the house together. The tour consisted of Ms. Edison recapping Anne's old childhood antics to Jeff. But they were less like antics and more like study and school milestones, as Annie well remembered.

Yet Annie made herself remember the good parts of those memories too. In truth, they weren't bad ones. She learned how to become a model student and a genius in this house – and back then, these were the only things she could be proud of.

As such, she really clung to her success and pride from those magical moments. Particularly when her home was a real safe haven from the non-class parts of school. Or at least when she thought it was a safe haven.

But the happiness Annie felt back then was true. She only wished later that there were also moments of actual play time, family bonding, acts of unconditional love and parties with friends. However, remembering that now wouldn't help her bond with her mother again.

As such, Annie focused on relieving the good parts and sharing them with Jeff, despite his clear lack of enthusiasm. It got harder when they reached Annie's old room, which was now a plain guest bedroom with no trace of her anywhere.

Somehow, Annie repressed the memories of her favorite books and educational toys being sent to her in rehab. And of how her mother didn't bother to send the non educational stuff.

She just kept trudging through memory lane and enduring the odd snide comment from her mother. Yet they were coming less frequently now, so perhaps she was making progress.

When they went back downstairs and sat in the living room, Ms. Edison went off to refill their drinks. Once she left, Annie waited for Jeff to speak up. He had been nodding and pretending to pay attention, like he would if he was in class, but she figured he'd speak up when they were alone. Yet he seemed to be holding back on purpose, although he probably had a lot to say.

Perhaps Jeff didn't want to overstep his bounds, like Britta probably did with him at his dad's house. Then again, doing that appeared to work for them before too long.

Annie wondered why Britta didn't brag about her one success with more boom boxes. At least Troy and Abed's beats, and Annie and Shirley's dancing, would have drowned out the violation of doctor/patient confidentiality. Annie smiled at that, especially when she remembered their other dancing moments, and those rare times Troy and Abed let her rap.

Of course, they did much more for her by letting her into their home. The first real home she ever had, other than this place. Even while she lived in Dildopolis, she never felt at home there like she did in the study room.

That room and casa del Trobed never drowned her out with sex toy bargain announcements, loud fighting downstairs, or demands that she study more before dinner. They let her do whatever she wanted and be whatever she wanted to be. With no questions asked and no preconditions laid out.

Those places and the people in them made Annie feel free.

This made it extra jarring when her mother returned, and it didn't get easier from there.

When Ms. Edison told another story about Anne's hours of daily studying, Annie remembered her brief longing when she saw kids playing together outside. And she remembered the most fun she ever had in the study room – if she was honest with herself – was when no studying got done.

When Ms. Edison recalled Anne's spelling bee victories at age 11, Annie now remembered how she studied while hiding under her blankets, if only to hide from her parents' yelling. And she remembered the generic congratulations they gave afterwards, compared to the hugs and laughter she shared after her victories at Greendale.

Annie's mother was starting to light up as she talked about Anne. But she was talking about someone from the past. She found it easy to like and remember Anne because she didn't really care for Annie yet. In contrast, remembering Anne wasn't so much fun for Annie, because she didn't really care for her anymore.

Annie wasn't her any longer, and she didn't want to be. Yet she sure found it easy to wear her skin again until now. All to please her, just like always.

They talked about a long lost stranger long enough that Annie started to feel like her. But now Annie wanted to talk about Annie.

She thought that was too risky to do with her mother until she got comfortable. She was comfortable for the wrong reasons now, yet Annie didn't feel like nitpicking for once. She wanted to feel like herself again.

"I have to admit, I learned how to be a quick learner in here," Annie started. "It's probably why I fit right in at forensics class."

"Forensics? Why bring up one of your 'school''s silly side classes?" Ms. Edison wondered.

"Because it isn't a side class. It's my new major," Annie said as evenly as she could.

"It's a little late to break the ice with humor, isn't it?" Ms. Edison assumed.

"You know I've never been funny, mother. Not on purpose. And I'm not starting now," Annie informed. "I'm not going into health care after graduation anymore. In fact, I'll probably have to stay at Greendale longer. Because I'm a forensics major now."

"But you're supposed to graduate in May. After four years of college. And then you go right into health care administration. That was the plan," Ms. Edison remembered. "Even when you left, you stuck with that plan. It was the only thing I liked hearing about you."

"In case it matters, she's actually good at something other than health care," Jeff finally spoke up. "You know, I wanted her to expose someone as a fraud, and she wound up exposing a human trafficker instead. Go figure."

"Technically, you didn't say you wanted me to expose Chang," Annie said, feeling light for the first time since they got here. Probably because Jeff looked much more alive talking about Annie than he did while hearing about Anne.

"Technically, since he exposed himself in the end, I'm not accountable for that anymore," Jeff retorted. "But you came in handy when that happened too."

"Not just because of forensics," Annie qualified.

"Well, none of it was because of health care. It would have needed that if Chang and his bosses weren't stopped. But her and six other heroes made that unnecessary," Jeff said right to Ms. Edison's face.

"Oh. You really do think highly of yourself," Annie joked, clinging to Jeff's amused glare and his pride in her.

"You're serious," Ms. Edison spoke up. "You got hooked on pills, rehab, other homes and silly 'schools' to protect your future in health care. And you _still _turned your back on it. On what we talked about and planned for years."

"Technically, I never did much of the talking. Or planning," Annie said, sounding weaker than she'd have preferred. But when her mother laid out guilt trips like this, it was still hard to sound defiant. At least she wasn't caving in within seconds, so that was progress.

"I see," was all Ms. Edison had to respond with. Clearly this couldn't be good.

After a few more seconds of silence, she got up and stated, "I should start getting dinner ready. Jeffrey, you're staying too, right?"

"I don't see how I can refuse," Jeff answered before Annie decided if she still needed him. But when her mother left without a word and took out another wine bottle, the decision was made for her.

So much for easing her way into revealing the new Annie – or for her mother liking it either way. Now it was time for the real struggle.


	3. Chapter 3

Dolores Edison stayed relatively quiet while she was making dinner. She was curt when Jeff asked if there was anything carb-free for him to eat. But when they found something, she made it without a word, although the wine she drank spoke volumes.

She didn't look tipsy when she, Annie and Jeff sat around the dinner table. As they ate, none of them said a thing. Which reminded Annie too well of all the silent, passive aggressive dinners she ever witnessed at this table.

"Jeffrey, do you like the dinner I found for you?" Ms. Edison asked. "I went above and beyond just for you. I hope you appreciate everything I did."

"I guess you could put it that way," Jeff commented as Annie winced.

"Don't worry if it tastes good at first, but gets disappointing over time. Food never does get better or agreeable with age," Ms. Edison said with less subtlety.

"Mother, I heard your company's doing well," Annie changed the subject. "Another record-setting quarter. That must make you happy."

"There's only so much bitterness and betrayal that work can drown out. I learned that the hard way," Ms. Edison replied before checking her empty wine glass and bottle. "Speaking of which, it looks like we all need another refill," she commented, then got up to both her guests' relief.

"I heard your company's doing well?" Jeff repeated in a whisper. "_That _was your best answer for that? What exactly is your end game here, _Anne?_"

"Jeff, we just need to let her get it out of her system," Annie insisted. "When she's done, I can talk to her when she's sobered up. Then maybe she'll understand and accept a few things."

"And has that ever worked with her before?" Jeff checked.

"I'm better equipped to make it work now," Annie answered.

"Really?" Jeff asked directly. "Do you want closure with her, or do you actually want her to take you back? If so, I have some follow up questions."

"Not at the dinner table, okay?" Annie set down as Ms. Edison returned with another wine bottle.

"I am sorry about this," Ms. Edison said. "I usually buy better stuff. But those people who celebrate certain holidays bought most of the good wine."

"I'm sure you'll get the drop on them before New Years," Annie encouraged.

"They are crafty ones. Stealing away loyalty and siding with heathen jackasses and all," Ms. Edison rambled. "And they don't even say they're sorry, even when it's so clear that they're wrong."

"You don't say," Jeff let out.

"They spend years embarrassing you and still claim that they're the victim. Even though _they're _the ones destroying everyone's reputations. And then when you think they've let up, they finish you off in one fell swoop! An apology is the very least they could do to admit their betrayal, but even that's too much for them," Ms. Edison accused.

"I'm sorry, let me cut through the world's worst metaphor for a second. You think _Annie _should apologize to _you_?" Jeff recapped.

"Jeff, that's not what she meant, so there's no point nitpicking. Please don't Britta this, okay?" Annie pleaded.

"I have no idea what that means, but it sounds hideous. So if it means don't butt into _someone else's _family, it sounds about right. Even a fake lawyer couldn't loophole his way out of that," Ms. Edison said.

"Oh, really?" Jeff asked with gritted teeth. "Funny how you know that."

"I know all about you. Those stories on the Greendale 7 told me quite enough. My own research did the rest," Ms. Edison commented. "You faked your law degree, formed a study group to do your bidding, then seduced my daughter into giving up what little she had left."

"Mother, that's simplifying it a little," Annie quickly said to keep the peace.

"I don't think it is. His type is all too obvious," Ms. Edison theorized. "They come in and promise the world, but suck you dry at every turn. They give you nothing but disappointments and then even turn those against you. They talk a good game, but they can only lie, cheat, use you and string you along for so long before you catch on. A shame you didn't get that skill from me."

Jeff let out a minor stammer but held back everything else, albeit barely. Ms. Edison didn't notice as she continued, "Crooks like you always win over girls who don't know any better. I credit you for being _really _committed in this case, though. I've never seen someone work so hard to keep bedding little children."

"Excuse me?" Jeff barely asked with any restraint.

"Oh, you haven't succeeded yet? I suppose I'll give her credit for that. But we all know she doesn't know any better, that's a given," Ms. Edison dismissed. "Didn't stop you, though."

"From what, may I ask?" Jeff used his last bit of self-control to get out.

"She destroyed herself enough, but you obviously finished the job. You even used other crazy people to help you," Ms. Edison accused. "You had no problem using a fragile girl to do your dirty work. Like you had no problem using the legal system for petty gain. But I suppose that's no problem for someone with no real values."

Luckily for her, Ms. Edison just kept talking before Jeff had any room to reply. "What does a lying, cheating, fake lawyer and community college student know about anything? Anything beyond sex and money and ego boosting and lies, anyway? You want to be an embarrassment and die with nothing, that's your business, Jeffrey. But stop letting your depravity finish off anyone but yourself."

"Apologize," Annie heard herself say.

"That's right, he should," Ms. Edison agreed with her for the first time.

"I wasn't talking to him," Annie heard herself say before her brain could catch up. But she didn't want it to catch up anymore.

"Then who else could you be talking to?" Ms. Edison genuinely wondered.

"Mom, I would like you to apologize to Jeff, please," Annie calmly but seriously asked.

"What on Earth for?" Ms. Edison replied.

"I know you're angry at me. But don't take it out on Jeff too," Annie requested.

"What is this?" Ms. Edison still didn't understand.

"Mom, I never got to bring friends over when I lived here. Even when I had them. Now that I finally have a friend here with me, I would prefer it if you didn't attack him. Especially since he's one of the best friends I've ever had," Annie informed her.

"Anne, do you have the Stockholm Syndrome?" Ms. Edison asked incredulously.

"That's not my name," Annie answered. "We can talk about that after you apologize to Jeff. Please," Annie narrowly remembered to add at the end.

"I will do no such thing. You lost your right to make those requests when you left here," Ms. Edison reminded.

"I didn't _leave_, Mom. I didn't lose my whole life and my home by choice. The biggest reason I have any of those things again is Jeff. So I don't want you lying about him anymore, okay?" Annie asked with less patience.

"In what way did I lie? He _is_ a fake lawyer and a con man who uses people! The research didn't lie!" Ms. Edison said.

"He's also the most important person in my life," Annie filled in. "He also taught me what a family _really _is. He showed me you don't need strict four-year plans to survive in school. He showed me how to accept people for who they are, no matter what's wrong with them. And it's by _his _example that I know people can change. Even me."

Ms. Edison didn't know what to say, yet Annie still had more. "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. I don't even know if I'd be….._here _if I never met him, or the study group. So you can say whatever you want about me, but you will _not _drag him into it! He doesn't deserve that from you!"

"He's a liar and a cheat, of course he does! Are you blind? Or just blinder?" Ms. Edison questioned.

"I know what he is. He's infuriated me more than anyone I'm not related to," Annie informed. "But even when he hurts me or ticks me off, I still know one thing. I know for a fact, no matter what's going on between us, he still cares about me. I know he'd _never _let something go so far that he would _stop_ caring about me. Or not be there for me when I really needed someone. I haven't doubted that for a very long time, and I never will again."

Annie rose up to her feet to finish her sermon. "I won't because Jeff Winger is a good man. If he ever changed his mind about marriage or family, he would be a wonderful, devoted spouse. And he'd be an amazing, supportive parent."

Without any hesitation or a single break in her voice, she finished, "Which is more than anyone could ever say about you."

Ms. Edison couldn't move a muscle and neither could Jeff. But she recovered first to say, "You don't talk to me like that," as both a statement and a threat.

"I wasn't brave enough to before. But I'm a different person now," Annie said. "I was hoping you could learn to accept that. But either way, it's who I am and it's who I want to stay."

Annie waited for her mom to move again and answer her. Yet what she got for her waiting was, "Well, if that's how it is…..then I want you out of this house. And this time, you can't _ever _come back."

Annie was running on too much adrenaline to visibly react. Inside, she felt like crumbling apart, but her body and face stood still. Tears were obviously building behind her eyes, yet none had escaped. A big heartbroken squeak was caught in her throat, but it began to die down. When it did and she could use words again, she merely said, "No."

"Excuse me?" Ms. Edison responded.

"You agreed to let me spend the night here. You already kept me from sleeping one more night here when I was your daughter. I'm not ending this the same way," Annie insisted.

"Oh yes, you will!" Ms. Edison yelled before a headache set in.

"You drank too much wine, I can tell. You're in no condition to argue with me," Annie said. "You've never argued with a healthy me who can fight back. Do you think you'll figure out how to do it right off the bat, while you're drunk?"

"Then I'll call the cops! I'll get them to kick you out and argue for me!" Ms. Edison came up with.

"Right, I'm sure no one will notice or gossip about that," Annie threatened. That was the deciding blow and they both knew it.

"Fine, I'm going to bed. I suggest you do the same and get done before I wake up. And take him with you," Ms. Edison pointed to a still frozen Jeff. "Now go do what I say for the first time. All right, _Anne_?"

"Fine by me," Annie growled before they stormed from the dining room. They walked up the stairs together, but split apart to go into their respective bedrooms. Only Jeff remained below, though it took five more minutes to bring himself upstairs.

When he got there and headed into the guest bedroom, he found Annie pacing around; her anxiety overwhelming her anger again.

"Okay, this isn't so bad. She got all her anger out, and she might be too drunk to remember it tomorrow," Annie reasoned. "Maybe she'll be too hung over to kick me out. Maybe it'll hurt so much, we can have a real talk. Maybe it'll give her a wake-up call and she'll realize she went too far and she'll….she'll…."

Even Annie didn't have enough energy or faith to keep believing that anymore. Not after that argument. Not after the first 18 years of her life.

"Who the hell am I kidding?" she asked to herself, barely acknowledging Jeff's presence. When she finally did, she asked, "Jeff, what the hell did I do?"

"Reach Winger levels of awesomeness? Go down in human history for reaching that impossible dream?" Jeff tried to joke.

"I blew any chance to make things right with her. And I don't know why I even bothered," Annie regretted.

"You don't remember what inspired you? Okay, I guess there could be worse fates," Jeff quipped, although it barely hid a few nerves.

"Why did I get my hopes up? Did this place erase my memory or something?" Annie groaned. "I just wanted to get closure with her, but I sucked myself into wanting more. Of course she'd let me down after that, it's what she does!"

"I did get that idea myself," Jeff alluded to.

"Why couldn't I have just done what you did? I mean, you inspired me, so I should have followed your playbook," Annie commented.

"Ah, there's that memory again," was all Jeff had.

"You just wanted to show your dad you were better off, and you clearly did. You had no expectations he could change, you showed him up anyway, and we all got a great dinner out of it," Annie remembered.

"I'm glad that was the big win of the day to you," Jeff tried in vain to be sarcastic.

"Why couldn't I be realistic like that? Why did I have to wish for impossible things, like an idiot? Why should I be sad at all that it didn't work?" Annie lamented. "Why can't I be more like you?"

This snapped Jeff into a serious mode Annie had never seen before. She saw it up close and personal when he grabbed her by the shoulders. "Don't you _ever _say that again," Jeff demanded, without a trace of snark or humor.

Jeff intensely held her gaze as he elaborated, "You're not me. You're not…." He trailed off as his eyes began to wander, yet they soon looked back at her with some difficulty. Nevertheless, he finished with the word, "Broken."

Annie's eyes narrowed as Jeff went on further, his eyes looking away every half-second. "It was nice of you to lie to your mom about me, just to screw her over. But I'm sure even she knew that –"

Annie couldn't take her mom saying things like this, and she would not take it from Jeff now. Fueled by that simple truth, she grabbed his big chin to keep his focus right on her.

"I meant every single word," Annie said plainly. "Don't you dare let her convince you I was lying. You could _never _be more broken than I am. Especially now."

Annie's eyes stayed on Jeff, even as her mood saddened. Saying how broken she was – and realizing how some parts would never be healed now – made it sink in throughout her body. She felt her eyes water and her gaze lose some intensity, yet she stayed locked with Jeff anyway.

But after a few more seconds, it was Jeff who sucked in a breath and backed away, almost like he was in shock. Like he looked at her too long and had uncovered something hidden.

"Oh God…." Jeff muttered, catching Annie off guard further. If even he was getting emotional – sad emotional, at that – it really wouldn't help Annie get better. He looked back into her eyes and could only whisper, "Annie…." which helped even less.

"No. Not now," Annie said as she felt the tears coming on. "Not in here. Not while she can hear me. Not while she can brag she was right about me. I'm nota baby…."

"No. You are _not_," Jeff spoke with incredible conviction. But even that wasn't helping.

"But I _am_…." Annie couldn't finish. She struggled to gather her thoughts while she still could, and finally put a few together.

"I've tried to be better and do better all my life. But no matter how much better I get, it'll _never _be enough for her. I know that now. I knew that for years, really," Annie regretted. "I see my dad on Thanksgiving, but I know he's not interested in connecting with me. My mom was my last chance to…." she nearly sobbed.

"I just had to know if it was still possible, and now I know it's not. I'm not a baby anymore, Jeff. But now I know I'll always be an orphan."

Annie couldn't stop at least two tears from falling. She couldn't even look at Jeff, although she thought she heard him sigh deeply. That was kind of worse.

She tried to wave her hands to send him away, or else she really would break down. When she finally looked forward, all she could bring herself to see was his chest right in front of her – then she felt his hand on her back.

"No, no…." Annie muttered in a last ditch effort not to cry. Even then, she knew she wouldn't make it.

She laid her head into Jeff's chest and felt an arm go around her. With his chest able to muffle her sounds, there was no more reason to hold back.

When Annie finally let go, she sobbed quietly at first. But her cries steadily got louder as her emotions got more out of control. The first emotion she felt was anger – at her mother, at herself for believing they could reconcile, at herself for crying like this, and at her mom again.

As her tears and muffled sobs got angrier, her body shook in fury. Jeff kept her from shaking further by putting both arms around her, then navigated them so they sat on the bed. Annie barely noticed as she kept sobbing, her anger giving way to full on sadness and loneliness again.

Annie's sad cries continued, longer than she could bare to count. Eventually, she registered that Jeff was rubbing her back and holding her. With his chest muffling her sobs and her teary eyes closed, she couldn't see that his eyes were closed too.

There were a few moments when he closed his eyes extra tight. As if he was trying to stop something from coming out of them.

Eventually, he changed their position again by sinking onto the bed with her. Now she was still crying against him, but at least she was lying on her old bed at the same time – in Jeff's arms, at that.

This was far from the first time Annie had a crying spell in this room. It wasn't even the first time someone held her while she did it. But this time, it didn't feel like the hugger was trying to rush her recovery so she could study, or pull herself together before company came.

For the first time she could remember, someone was truly comforting her in here while she was crying. For the first time she could remember, someone really noticed her misery and pain in this household. That person was hugging and holding her…..just for the sake of hugging and holding her and showing her everything would be okay.

He wanted to make it okay, and not for grades or appearances or to show up a spouse. All he wanted was her happiness.

She wasn't used to that happening in this house. She dreamed about that changing today, but not like this. Not from _him_.

Yet here it was. Here he was. And Annie didn't want to let go of him or this moment, no matter how sad she still was. She was too sad to talk anymore and ruin this, and Jeff seemed to be following her lead.

So when Annie finally got quiet, she didn't bother to talk, move, open or even wipe her eyes. She just stayed where she was, and so did he – right up until they both fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When Annie came to, she didn't realize why her face felt smothered. She then opened her eyes for the first time in hours, with the sight of a familiar, suit-clad broad chest greeting her. Once she remembered why that chest was so familiar, she remembered who was there with her – and where they were.

Once Annie took that in, she remembered why they were both there.

Jeff was still lying on his side, sound asleep and thankfully snoring softer than usual. For a brief moment, Annie wondered if they did anything more than sleep. She might have been too sad and delirious to remember what she was doing.

But when she finally wiped her eyes, she remembered the less than sexy things she did in bed with Jeff. Not to mention what drove her to do them.

Annie felt ashamed and childish for breaking down like that, and for letting Jeff see her like this. She should have known her mom wouldn't be forgiving, so it shouldn't have made her that upset. Especially in front of someone who already struggled to see her as grown up.

Yet if she remembered right, he did say she wasn't a baby. But that could have only been to be nice. Like that stuff he said about not flirting with someone if they were married. Right?

But Jeff did a lot just to be nice and get out of things. None of them involved holding someone while they were crying their eyes out. Let alone hold them in a bed. Or go to sleep with them in a bed. Or do anything other than sex in a bed.

Maybe he only wanted to repay her for the "lies" she told her mom about him, so he wouldn't be forced to do something else later. Maybe he just wanted to show up a rotten parent by sleeping with her daughter under her nose. Maybe he wanted to avoid the blame for inspiring this trip. Maybe….

Maybe Annie couldn't handle assuming the worst right now. Not after….last night, apparently.

According to Annie's phone, it was already early tomorrow morning. They'd slept together for hours and still had hours to go.

In mere hours, Annie would leave this bedroom for the last time. And she was going out by having a man stay the night here. She never dreamed that could happen in this room before, not even with Troy. She'd certainly stopped dreaming that Jeff would stay the night with her – for the most part – and certainly never thought it'd happen here.

The whole thing was ironic and funny enough to make Annie smile again. Really smile for the first time all day – maybe in over a week. In fact, she was starting to hear herself chuckle as well.

To add to the moment, she was starting to see Jeff wake up too.

After last night, waking up to see Annie laugh was probably the last thing Jeff expected. But that made it all the funnier. When she took in the sight of Jeff in such a small bed – by his freakish giant standards – she laughed even louder.

Annie got herself to quiet down, in case the other person in this house wasn't too drunk. However, she almost forgot about her when she looked into Jeff's eyes. They looked confused at first, as expected, but she saw them soften once he saw her laughing and smiling.

After her laughter ran its course, Annie didn't know what to do next. She was still lying on her side with Jeff next to her, with no clue what to do about it. Physical stuff was out – even if they weren't _here_ – and Annie was too emotionally drained to talk.

Besides, she'd already kept Jeff here much longer than he planned. If she let him go now, he could rush home, brush this aside and appear right as rain in time for Christmas. If only Annie was as good as him with that stuff – despite Jeff's plea for her never to wish that again. But if he left, he might not catch her going back on her word.

"You can go," Annie assured, though she wished she phrased it better. Nevertheless, she backed off to give him room – yet was foiled when Jeff put his hand on her back.

Annie's breath was caught in her throat, but not out of sadness this time. It was one of her traditional frozen breath moments whenever Jeff got too close to her. Then she'd inevitably ask herself what the hell he was doing, whether he'd get closer, whether she wanted him to get closer, whether he'd just say she was reading into things again, and whether he'd just run away and ignore her existence later.

But this never happened while they were in a bed. And it never happened after they already slept together, in a way.

It especially never happened with her mother across the hall, after she disowned Annie again. Why did her two greatest embarrassing trends have to come together now?

In the midst of all her usual over thinking, Jeff had gotten out of bed. After all that, he was retreating anyway. It was likely for the best.

Yet Annie didn't know what to think when Jeff took his shoes off, then turned out the bedroom light.

Was anything else coming off? Should it? Oh God, he was doing this _now_?

Instead of taking anything else off, Jeff pulled the covers back on his side of the bed. Annie got on her feet to give him room, right as he slipped underneath the covers. Just as she took that in, he pulled the covers back on Annie's side of the bed, almost invitingly.

Was he offering what the dirtiest part of Annie thought he was? Sex was the best way he knew how to fix something – or so she heard by reputation and his own bragging. But this was way too serious to cure with sex. And this was _way _too inappropriate a way for them to finally do _this_.

Annie was about to tell him that before she actually looked at Jeff – who didn't have a patented sexy look on.

This wasn't the come hither smolder she was used to, even if she was mostly used to it in fantasies. She knew every way in which the real Jeff tried to look and act sexy, and none of them were on display here.

In fact, he looked almost unsure of himself. Like he did in pottery class, or those other rare times he couldn't do anything – or hide his lack of expertise. Yet he was still trying for her, even in this difficult time. No one had ever tried this hard to make her feel better in this house – at least not for 10-15 years.

Annie knew she shouldn't just assume things, since that got her in too much trouble with Jeff before. Plus assuming the best and ignoring speed bumps had started this new mess with her mom.

She needed some clarity. She needed Jeff to explain what he was trying to do. She needed to know why he was _really_ going above and beyond for her this entire day.

But she didn't need it more than she needed a friend. Or any reminder that at least one person thought she was worth comforting. That she was worth having around at all, no matter how defiant or different she had become.

No matter what nonsense they'd been through, no one had ever proven that to her like Jeff Winger. And that was before he offered to sleep in the same bed with her – even with clothes on.

If she was really doing this, Annie figured she should put on her bedtime clothes. Sleeping in her daywear was just too weird.

Yet Jeff was sleeping in regular clothes now, regardless of how it might wrinkle his suit – which he was willingly covering up. If he could make that sacrifice, Annie owed him some solidarity.

Like Jeff did, Annie slipped off her shoes before she went back into bed. She got under the covers despite not having pajamas on, which made her feel a little naughty – especially under her mom's roof.

Hell, just having Jeff here was naughty enough, even if it wasn't sexual. Her mom probably thought he was long gone, so she'd have quite a surprise when she found his car outside tomorrow morning.

That might cause far more harm than good later on. But for now, with no consequences yet, the possibilities just made Annie smirk.

Once she smirked, Jeff did as well, despite having no idea why she looked happy again. But once more, just seeing her light up seemed to be enough for him. And when Annie's smirk softened into a real smile, his did as well.

In this kind of scenario, Annie could have ruined it by trying to kiss him, and so could Jeff. However, against all logic and expectations, Annie didn't feel like kissing Jeff now. For all the possible romantic implications and traps, what Annie really felt was relief, comfort and eternal gratitude for Jeff being here.

This was her last night in her childhood home and bed. For all the misery she endured in here tonight, and in most of her teenage years, she was still ending it all with the best person she ever knew by her side.

It was like the best part of her new life closed the door to the worst parts of her old life for her. Technically, Annie should have done the closing herself – although that big speech tonight may or may not have counted enough. Regardless, she was too sleepy to work out the logic right now.

"_Now _we can go back to sleep," Jeff broke the silence.

There was so much Annie could have said to thank him or otherwise. But she kept it short and sweet with a simple, "Ok." She'd used enough big words tonight, in much more miserable moments than this.

After giving Jeff one more smile, Annie laid on her back and closed her eyes. She was tempted to kiss his cheek good night, but that would probably ruin the mood somehow. She didn't feel Jeff kissing her cheek either, so she chose to believe he felt the same way.

To be safe, Annie didn't want to cuddle him. At least not while she was awake enough to help it. Still, part of her wanted some kind of contact with him, to say what he couldn't tell him in words yet.

With the little energy she had left, she tentatively reached her left hand out to his right. Her fingers touched the top of his hand, but hesitated to go further right away. Yet Jeff closed the gap by reaching out to cover her hand, then held it against his side.

For the second time tonight, Annie drifted to sleep with Jeff next to her and touching her. This time, she didn't have a tear in her eyes or a single thought about her mother. This time it was Jeff, her best childhood bedroom memories and a full heart that lulled her to dreamland.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Jeff came to, he didn't realize why he felt something lying next to him. He opened her eyes for the first time in hours, with the sight of a petite, familiar looking girl next to him. Once he remembered why that girl was so familiar, she remembered why she was there and where they were.

Once Jeff took that in, he remembered why they were there now.

For a brief moment, Jeff wondered if they did anything more than sleep. He might have been on autopilot too much to fully remember what they did. But when he gave himself a minute, he remembered the less than sexy things he did in bed with Annie. Not to mention what drove him to do them.

It was all a blur after her mother – for lack of a less civil and more fitting word to call her – attacked him to the bone like she did. And when Annie told all those lies about him to shut her up – although she looked convincing when she said they weren't. Then he looked at her long enough to see all those heartbreaking things in those haunting blue eyes, and he just went blank.

Blank enough to hold her and let her cry on his suit – and let her sleep with him without making a move. Without even feeling awkward at being that close to her, like he was supposed to feel. Supposedly.

Leaving that aside, Jeff still crossed a line. None of this was like him, and he should have seen that faster. But all night, all he could think was, _"I can't leave her here."_ Or even, _"I don't want to leave her here." _Maybe even, _"I don't want to leave her._"

Now he'd have to pay the price for his lack of foresight, whatever that may be. Yet all those doubts went away when Annie woke up.

Jeff should have felt creepy and wrong. He should have told himself to back away, as per usual. He should have retreated and gotten as far away as possible, as usual.

But this time, all he could think about was whether Annie was okay. When he saw her look at him, all he wanted was to erase the awkwardness in her eyes, implications be dammed.

"Morning," Annie broke the silence. Jeff struggled to think of a better retort than "Morning," but she spoke again first. "Merry Christmas Eve, I guess."

Jeff couldn't help but chuckle, which seemed to trigger an automatic smile from Annie. So it wasn't just him who had that affliction.

As he saw her eyes brighten again, he remembered how red and wet they were last night. He looked closer to see if all that was still there. Before he knew it, he put a finger on her cheek to wipe away any leftover tears.

"It's fine, Jeff. I'm fine," Annie assured as her cheeks turned the slightest bit of red. Somehow, it was more striking than a full on blush. "Thank you," she said quietly, yet he knew she was speaking volumes.

Jeff was too busy taking her in to answer her. After her breakdown last night, seeing her look even slightly better was a relief. Seeing her really smile and lighten up again – maybe even because of him – felt even better. Better enough to wonder what it'd be like to get closer.

This wasn't the first that Jeff imagined kissing Annie while they were close. But as the seconds went by, he realized something was different. By now, he'd normally tell himself that he was being creepy and perverted and unworthy, and that kissing Annie would ruin everything – literally _everything_.

Instead, what he was thinking was "This isn't the right time. Or the right place." As if there was one. As if he wanted one.

Well, he did want one….but telling himself he shouldn't felt hollow now. Part of it probably always felt hollow, but this was the first time he really felt it.

As Jeff let himself feel it for once, Annie did him a small mercy and got out of bed. Jeff eventually snapped out of it to get up himself, but his mind was still elsewhere. Yet Annie once again brought him back when Jeff saw her making the sheets, and he couldn't help but laugh again.

Somehow, this helped Jeff fully remember where they were – and that they had bigger things than feelings to figure out. "So what do we do now?" he asked, not needing to elaborate further for Annie. She finished making the sheets, then remained perfectly still.

Jeff found himself unable to move either, until she answered, "I want to go, Jeff. There's nothing else to do here," with barely hidden resignation. Jeff couldn't really argue with that and would probably be out of line if he tried.

"But I think we need to get you out first," Annie finished. There was really no arguing with that either. "Hopefully she's too hung over to be up right now."

"I suppose I'll find out," Jeff volunteered. He was obviously too sleepy to be normal again – or his crumbling standard of normal – so maybe it bode well in this case. "I'll sneak out while you take your last looks around here. I'll text you when I'm at the nearest rest stop, then you meet me there and we'll….head home. Okay?"

"I don't think I could top that," Annie admitted, which was actually kind of troubling. Yet Jeff was already troubled enough. He figured he should be far away from here before he tried to be less troubled.

Jeff felt like saying some kind of good bye or thank you before leaving Annie alone. At the least, he felt like he owed a final reassuring gesture. But he reasoned they'd meet up again in no time, so this wasn't good bye for the day. Plus there was probably no time for a long look anyway.

Therefore, Jeff just gave her a brief nod before slowly opening the bedroom door. Ms. Edison's room was across the hall, so Jeff could clearly see her door was closed. This bode well as Jeff carefully closed Annie's door behind him, then tip toed down the stairs.

Before he could make it to the front door, a quiet but formidable voice stopped him in place.

"Good morning, Jeffrey," Ms. Edison said behind him. Sighing in defeat, Jeff turned to see her standing in the living room, holding a cup of tea. He expected her to be furious and assume the worst from seeing him here now, but her face looked completely blank.

"Just make sure she leaves before I see her. It would be for the best if I didn't," she stated before going back to the living room couch, totally unaffected.

Although this was the best case scenario for Jeff, something about this bothered him. Namely the way Ms. Edison seemed so indifferent about her daughter. She wasn't even angry or disappointed – she just wanted her gone without a second thought. Like this, and Annie, meant nothing and it was completely okay with her.

Instead of leaving as he planned, Jeff found himself heading into the living room. He felt himself on autopilot again, overcome with curiosity instead of protectiveness – if nothing else.


	5. Chapter 5

"Can I ask you something?" Jeff approached Ms. Edison. "This isn't a bite your head off kind of question. I'd just like to figure something out."

Ms. Edison looked puzzled, but she wasn't biting his head off either, whether she was sober enough to or not. "Very well. You asked nicely, so I'll bite," she replied.

Jeff sat across from Ms. Edison, trying to figure out what his question really was. He didn't have it or anything else planned out in his head. It just seemed to come from a subconscious part of him – something deep down trying to get out.

Maybe for once, it wouldn't be so awful to let something like that out. Defying his usual instincts hadn't been _that _bad in the last 12 hours. Of course, that was with Annie there and not with this other Edison. But that subconscious part told him it made this all the more important.

So for once, Jeff put his defenses down and let himself accept what he was really thinking. When he did, the words flowed out of him as easily as any Winger speech.

"I get what you're did. You cut your kid out of your life, like it was the easiest thing in the world to do. For all I know, it might have been. Like I said, I get how that works," Jeff said.

"I thought you had a question," Ms. Edison retorted.

"I'm almost there," Jeff assured. "I get how you can do that with regular kids. What I don't get is how you can do that with Annie."

"I'm still not following you," Ms. Edison replied.

"Luckily I'm not that surprised," Jeff responded. "Somehow, you think losing Annie is a good thing. Maybe you could tell yourself that with high school Annie. But you know about college Annie and what she's become, and you _still_ think it's no big deal to lose her. That's what I don't understand."

"From what I see, she's become even more of an unacceptable, disobedient child. Why would I miss that?" Ms. Edison wondered.

"I don't see how you couldn't," Jeff kept insisting. "You can't tell me at least one part of you doesn't realize that. That 100 percent of you really thinks your life is better without her. Or that you could move on from her without feeling _any _regret. Or any kind of hole inside."

"I can and did. I had every reason to, and if I ever regretted it before yesterday, I don't now," Ms. Edison said simply. "What makes you so sure that I should?"

It should have been impossible for Jeff to answer. His defenses should have kicked back in by now, especially now that some pretty buried – but not entirely new – feelings and sentiments were bubbling up. Combining that with the growing contempt he had for Ms. Edison could not end well.

But it wasn't like Jeff was planning on seeing her again after this. And she certainly wasn't planning to see Annie again and tell on him. And after all the lies that had been told in here – about Annie and himself – maybe it was long past time someone told the truth in this place.

Maybe it was long past time for him to experiment with it.

"My dad walked out on me 26 years ago. I finally told him off for that this Thanksgiving," Jeff stunned himself by starting with, but he couldn't go back now. "A very….special psych major helped me with that. But it was a pain in the ass to get through, even if she pulled off a miracle. It could have been a lot easier, though. It could have been if Annie was there with me too."

That was one painful thing to admit out loud down. Maybe the rest would be easier. "My psych major friend and an older….semi-friend bugged me through my parent issue crap. But deep down, I knew Annie understood it a lot better than they did. I'm sure you know why."

"It was her choice to understand it, not mine," Ms. Edison excused, yet Jeff couldn't get sidetracked correcting her.

"Anyway, I still didn't ask her for help. I couldn't willingly do that with anyone, especially her. Besides, she wasn't offering to help, even though she'll bug me and Disney eye me for almost anything else," Jeff halfway rolled his eyes. "But like I said, she gets this stuff better than anyone else. And she's always into helping me when I don't want it, or when I say I don't. So why didn't she this time?"

"Do you want me to give you my theories?" Ms. Edison asked.

"No," Jeff said plainly, then answered his own question. "My best theory was she didn't want to be like my psych friend. She didn't want to annoy me and overshadow my problems with any grandstanding. She knew it was too serious for that, because she knew my problems far too well. And she knows I don't like being forced into facing them."

Jeff willingly pushed forward and concluded, "So even if she wanted to do that, she wouldn't. Not because she didn't care, but because she cared too much about me to do it. That was my theory, and I was right. She was there for me by _not _being there for me, if that makes sense."

"Don't worry, it doesn't," Ms. Edison assured.

"Don't worry, it doesn't for me either. Or maybe it does," Jeff confessed. "The thing is, although it worked out with Britta there, it would have worked better with Annie there too. Maybe I knew it all along. Maybe the crazy part of me that stops me from being happy knew it. Maybe that's why I didn't talk to someone who'd have helped me _and _made me feel better _before _the end."

Jeff sighed and moved to the next part of his spiel. "I do know that's why I'm here. I guess it's like some kind of twisted reciprocity. I handled my dad without Annie, but it was much harder. She could have handled you without me, but I thought maybe I could make it easier. Which is ridiculous if you know me, because I don't make things easier. Not like that."

"No, I think I get it," Ms. Edison interjected.

"I thought you would," Jeff deadpanned. "I'm not good at that stuff, but I wanted to try for her. And I don't like _trying _for anyone. But I usually do for her. That's what she inspires people to do. Even people like me."

Jeff suddenly thought up another way to describe it. "If I wanted friends at my dad's house, they _might _have been there for me. But if Annie told them about seeing you, and she wanted them here, _every one _of them would have come for her. Even if I didn't make them."

He let that sink in for both of them and repeated, "_That's _who she is. That's how much people care about her. No matter what major she has or what pills she took, we still care."

"Don't attack me because I have higher standards than your little group," Ms. Edison demanded. "She was raised to do more than win over screwed up misfits."

"She's doing that already, screwed up misfits and all," Jeff insisted.

"She was supposed to be in charge of a major company one day. Now she's demoted herself to a bit player for cops. At least the pills gave her some ambition," Ms. Edison said. "She was going to do remarkable things. She was supposed to realize she couldn't do them if she shamed herself with rehab. I've clearly been proven right, but she still can't see it. It's like she's happy _not _to see it."

"Because she's actually happy," Jeff assured. "She _is _doing remarkable things. More than you could possibly imagine. More than even she can imagine, really."

"What kind of ridiculous imagination do you have to see that?" Ms. Edison inquired.

"The kind where I imagined being married and liked it for one second! That's the most remarkable thing she could have ever done, and she didn't even try!" Jeff blurted out before it really hit him.

Facing stuff like that should have been the final straw. Yet after a second of discomfort, Jeff realized he was too far gone to stop.

Now that he had finally been truthful about Annie and what she did for him – and to him – it was _all _coming out and there was no way to lock it down anymore. It could barely be contained throughout three years of buildup; so how could he possibly stop it now?

"How is that remarkable in any way?" Ms. Edison interrupted Jeff's train of thought. With that, he resigned himself to losing whatever restraint he had left. There was no more point to it.

"If you knew me, you'd know why. But I guess I have to fill you in," Jeff conceded. "Marriage, romantic love, commitment….if I gave you a full blown rant against that stuff, we'd be here all day and you'd be out of wine. The short version is I never cared for any of it. The asterisk is, the only time I ever thought about them for a second and didn't feel sick….was when I thought about Annie. Even before she pretended to be my wife at a hotel."

Jeff immediately sensed he didn't have to add that part, jumping ahead before Ms. Edison said anything. "The point is, I'm not _ever_ supposed to think those things are okay! But somehow, if only for a second, the thought of going through them with Annie didn't seem so bad. I thought she'd make them go down easier….just like she'd have made my dad problems easier if I gave her a chance. If I _know _she would have done that, then…."

"My God. You're in _love _with her," Ms. Edison gasped out. With that, the hesitancy came back for Jeff.

He thought carefully until he confronted the biggest, deep down feeling and fear he had left. He started out slowly by admitting, "I want to be. Or rather, I want to want to be. Or maybe it's I want to want to want to be."

Jeff didn't even wait to hear that he was making no sense. He tried to start finding some sense by saying, "If I dated her, it'd be a bigger commitment than getting married. If I dated her and we broke up, I don't know how we could be friends again. Then the whole study group, the only real family we've both ever had, would fall apart. To say nothing of…."

Getting that close to his biggest fear shook Jeff up. Once he felt okay to continue, he took it on with another approach. "My dad was the worst person I ever met. But it took me 26 years to _start _to get over losing him. Annie's the best person I've ever met. So what would it do to me if I dated her, had something real with her, then lost her too?"

Jeff steeled himself and added, "I don't handle losing _bad _things well, or bad people. By that logic, having someone so…._good _and losing her could finally break me. Maybe for good. I don't see how it wouldn't."

There it was. Yet saying it out loud now, especially after the last month, somehow made it sound a little….ridiculous.

"Maybe that's not all true. I mean, it might have been if I never faced my dad. Maybe I _could _handle it now. But I still don't trust myself to," Jeff confessed. "If Annie had helped me face my dad, maybe I'd be closer to handling it. But even then?"

He then vowed, "If I ever do anything, I can't coast with something casual, like she's some random Winger girl of the week. I'd have to go _all the way_. Anyone who dates Annie and doesn't want that to be the end game, _eventually_, isn't worthy of her. I still don't think I'm capable of that, but a huge part of me wants to be. Of course, then I have to want to want to be _100 percent_ capable. That's the kind of hard work I don't like doing."

"Then don't do it," Ms. Edison suggested.

"I told myself that for three years. Now it's getting way too old. And I can't half-ass paying that off," Jeff admitted. "If I ever ask her out, it would _only_ be when I'm ready to go all in. When I'm ready to try and give her _everything _later. In the very distant future, I mean. But that's the kind of commitment she deserves. As much as that grossed me out all my life….it _might _not be gross with Annie."

He finally wrapped up with, "_That's _how remarkable your daughter is. That's why I never want to lose her for _any _reason. That's why I would want to fight like hell to be someone who'd never abandon her. That's how important she is to me. To all of us, really."

Jeff took his first breath in several minutes, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and pride over finally getting this out. Just as the pride began to slightly win out, Ms. Edison said, "She'd do it. She'd be with you for certain."

For a moment, Jeff's heart and lungs were filled with exhilaration. Before he could make out why, Ms. Edison continued, "Dating an older man like yourself would be a spectacle. That's just the sort of thing she'd do to get back at me. So in that case, you have a very good shot, Jeffrey."

The exhilaration was long gone. Now Jeff was back to the other end of the emotional spectrum. "_That's _what you got out of all that?" Jeff checked.

"She does improper, foolish things that no respectable young lady should do," Ms. Edison insisted. "That's not a lie, it's based on solid evidence. If you've been that close to Anne these last few years, you know it's true. Having a scandalous affair with you fits that tragic pattern. Like I said, it should give you hope."

Jeff didn't want to get into that, since he had more pressing concerns. "I told you all these things that make _Annie_ incredible, and you _still _say she's scandalous?" he shook his head. "Let's leave aside how astonishingly stupid that is, for now. You have Annie as a daughter, and her 'ruining' your good name is all you care about? Really?

"I have no husband and no daughter to be proud of. My good name is all I have left. Why wouldn't I protect the only thing in my life that's never let me down?" Ms. Edison asked.

"Annie never let you down! You'd know that if you actually knew her!" Jeff said. "You have this incredible, wonderful woman right in front of you, and you can't see what a gift she is. All you care about is what strangers would think if you did. That's what I just don't get."

Jeff really got on a roll as he continued, "All she wants is to be loved and appreciated, but that doesn't matter to you. You care more about making yourself look good, for people who don't know anything if they think she's wrong for you. You keep her at arm's length and make her feel worthless because it's more convenient for you. You let her keep having false hope, but you never intend to make it come true. So you let her feel hurt and unworthy because you're too much of a coward."

"That is _not _what I am, you uneducated con man!" Ms. Edison's fury rose.

"You're _supposed_ to be the most important person in the world to her!" Jeff yelled back. "You're supposed to know her happiness means more than theirs _every time._ But you ignore it and how good she'd be for you, because your precious _reputation _means more than her! You're so important to her, and you still think hurting her like that is worth it because it's _easier _for you? How can anyone be that stupid?!"

Within a split second, Jeff knew the answer to that question.

It was nothing he didn't know already. But to know it in this context was pretty damning.

"Never mind, I got it now," Jeff deflated as he slumped in the couch. "God, it took me long enough to connect _those _dots." To make matters worse, he realized, "At least you gave her no emotional support or long, loving looks when she was in high school. And you cut her off right away and didn't string her along for a few more years. So I'm really _worse_ than you_._"

Jeff had faced tons of wakeup calls over the years, about Annie and other things, but had often hit the snooze button. Maybe he'd hit it less in the last year, but it was still clearly too much – especially if he'd gotten to this point.

Well, there was no falling back asleep from this alarm.

"Okay, that stops now. At least I hope it does," Jeff vowed before he could lose his nerve. "I'm tired of not appreciating her like I should. _You _can do it because you don't really know her. But at least I know what I could have with her. What I'd have already if I was brave like her. Instead, I'm you. Except _I _know I can't be happy without her in my life. Or happier, anyway."

With a final bitter chuckle, Jeff finished, "A year or two ago, I'd have wished I could be like you when I finally lost her. Now I just don't understand you. Frankly, most of me really pities you," he admitted.

"You're the first person who ever met her. You should know more than anyone how lucky you are to have her. How come someone like me knows that more than you? _That _should have been my first question."

Jeff dropped his face in his hands, out of overdue embarrassment and to avoid seeing Ms. Edison's glare. He was going to scold himself enough for his words without her piling on. Or was he?

"I get it now," he heard Ms. Edison say in the meantime.

This made Jeff lift his head up. He supposed he owed her that much after the jolt she gave to his heart. Was it possible he'd gotten through to her? Did his epiphany give her one of her own – one where she wasn't ashamed of Annie anymore?

Did he actually do something great for Annie without even trying? Something worthy of a man who wouldn't leave her, wouldn't let her down, and could really give her everything else she ever wanted? _Someday?_

"You're worse than crazy. You're delusional."

Yep. Wrong again. Wait, _what _did she say?!

"What did you say?" Jeff repeated his brain's words of shock.

"You say all these things about Anne, but they're not true. Either you're lying on purpose, or you're seeing things," Ms. Edison said.

"Run that by me _again_._ Very carefully,_" Jeff demanded.

"I've known her for 18 years. I created her. I know who she is much better than you do. And what you said she is, well, it's not her," Ms. Edison concluded. "No girl who throws away her life like she did could be that kind of person. Not unless it's what she wanted you to think. Or what you wanted her to be."

Jeff barely succeeded in closing his jaw as Ms. Edison ruled, "I'm sorry, Jeffrey. But you're obsessed over something, or someone, that just isn't there. I made her and I've known her much longer than you, so I know what I'm talking about better than you do. And I know you're reading too much into something false."

When Jeff could comprehend what she was saying, a simple truth blinded him and nearly made him go blank. "Are you saying it's _all in my head?" _he strained to get out.

"Ironically, it's the only logical place it could be at," Ms. Edison said. "And even if what you said was true, who cares? It's irrelevant."

That eradicated the last of Jeff's pity for her. "Again, explain _carefully,_" Jeff warned/threatened.

"She could have done all those 'remarkable' things, and it still wouldn't change anything. Nothing can erase the pills or the meltdowns. Or destroying my family's good name, or being even _more _childish and naïve than when she left here," Ms. Edison declared.

"She didn't _leave,_" was all Jeff would let himself say.

"We can keep arguing semantics or face the truth. The truth is she disappointed me. She showed weakness that sets all women back a decade, and she's nowhere near being the woman she _should _be. Since it's clear she'll never be that woman, it's clear she's past the point of no return. No act of so-called bravery, brilliance or seducing old men can erase that. And it shouldn't," Ms. Edison set on down.

"And _I'm _crazy for thinking otherwise? _She's _crazy?" Jeff asked/growled.

"I know she is. I wish I could say different about you," Ms. Edison sighed. "You seem like a mostly rational adult. If you could escape from her childish dream world, you'd be smart enough to get all this too. It'd save yourself the heartache and inevitable humiliation. I saved myself from going down with her, I'm sure you could too."

Jeff knew all about being angry at parents. Up until Thanksgiving, he dreamed of taking that anger out on his dad in rather graphic ways. Yet at worse, his fantasy dad usually ended up in a coma.

The truth was, William Winger never made Jeff so angry that he could have successfully killed someone.

He could not say the same about Dolores Edison.

Jeff got on his feet, knowing if he stayed in this house for 10 more seconds, he'd likely burn it to the ground. But even that would be letting her off the hook. It wouldn't really burn her.

That wasn't the kind of thing that truly burned her. There was one thing that could really get under her skin without burning it off. Best yet, Jeff could do it quick and leave without having to be temped for more.

Before he lost his nerve or mercy, Jeff walked up and towered over her while she still sat on her couch. He then delivered his parting shot.

"With all due respect. Which is absolutely _none_. Fuck you."

The prim and proper witch had been called out in the coarsest way possible. The bully who had never been challenged like this didn't know what to do.

She just sputtered, then gasped out a very Annie-like gasp – only filled with Hellish rage. "Get out!" she finally used her words.

"Got it," Jeff agreed, snapping his fingers and walking past the couch.

It was then he noticed an eavesdropper standing at the bottom of the stairway, with her hands over her mouth, an overnight bag on the steps and tears down her eyes. But Jeff was seeing too much red to really let that register.

"Take your strumpet and get out!" Jeff heard Ms. Edison yell as he took Annie's hand and marched towards the door with her. "Both of you get out of my house!" Jeff heard shrilly – shrill enough for the still hung over Ms. Edison to groan and reach for her tea and aspirin.

Jeff didn't stick around to see that. He just got himself and Annie out of the house, hoping to get far away before the reality of what he did, said and admitted fully hit him.

He didn't get far enough by a long shot. He couldn't even get into his Lexus before it all crashed down.

Jeff could only pace around at first, nearly kicking his car with his remaining anger. When he came to his senses, he leaned on the Lexus and really thought about what he had done.

Two horrible truths eventually washed over him. He uttered the first one out loud. "I'm worse than Britta, too."

If Jeff had any courage left, it was gone after that admission. He knew he had to elaborate for Annie, no matter how bad it made him look – if she didn't see it already. But there was no way he could look at her.

"_You _should have said all that stuff to her. I hijacked this whole thing from you," Jeff admitted with his back turned to Annie. "Britta never did that to me. Even _she _knew the big speech to a rotten parent belonged to me, not her. Now you'll never get that chance because I didn't know my place."

Jeff should have shut up then, but he couldn't – half because he didn't know better, and half because he couldn't let Annie yell at him yet. "Britta actually _helped _me with my dad. You helped me by not helping me. And I ruined you. This was _your _moment with her and I took it away." He sighed and still continued, "I shouldn't have come here. And I shouldn't have said_ those_ things."

That was too close to the second horrible truth of the morning. Annie's sad, squeaky voice got him closer by whispering, "Why?" behind him.

A thousand explanations, lies, denials and strategies for retreat batted around Jeff's brain. Even if 500 of them were good ideas, he wasn't the man to make them work. He wasn't the man to do so many things. He still couldn't even look Annie in the eye after betraying her.

And yet he could see Annie putting her trembling hand on his forearm. It was shaking pretty hard, and yet it was right there.

For all she just heard and witnessed, she still had enough energy to care for him. Even when she had no life and no color in the rest of her body, as Jeff saw when he finally turned to look at her.

The sight made the second horrible truth escape Jeff's lips.

"The first person I admitted that stuff to should have been _you_. Not _her!_" he practically spat out at the end. He calmed down slightly to add, "And not like that. Not that late…." before running out of steam.

Jeff and Annie went back to being frozen stiff for several seconds. Yet Annie moved her lips just enough to ask, "You didn't mean to say those things like that to her. But you….still meant them?"

That's what she was focused on? He threw her under the bus, why should anything else matter? But it did when Jeff remembered who that sounded like.

As destructive as his words were, they'd look even worse if he undercut their most powerful message. Especially when Annie really needed someone who wasn't her mother.

Jeff just didn't know how to take the big leaps in not being her. Not this suddenly. Not with the stakes this high. And not with such dire consequences if he screwed up at any time afterwards. If they were that dire – and if it was so certain that they'd come.

The Jeff who faced Ms. Edison wouldn't have let them come. How hopeless would he be if he couldn't be that Jeff for an Edison who mattered? Who mattered so, so much?

Nevertheless, Jeff felt his throat close as his treacherous, perfect body made one last effort to save him. If this really was saving him. But he finally defied all his instincts and literally croaked out the word, "Yep."

It was comical and it made him sound so lame. But getting out that much felt incredibly good. Even relieving, if only for two seconds. In those moments, Jeff managed to add in a normal voice, "I meant every word."

He meant it. It made it easier to accept he'd meant it for a long time. Yet when Jeff took in Annie's still stunned, pale, tear-stricken face, he remembered how he finally admitted it.

"I still shouldn't have said it," he muttered as the fear came back. To his credit, he corrected, "Not like that," before Annie could get the wrong idea. Yet he then added, "No one who's earned it should…." before losing his final bit of courage.

Just because he admitted and accepted the truth didn't mean he deserved her. No one who meddled like he did should be that blessed. He never should have been there to begin with.

At least he could fix that much right now.

Jeff could only mutter, "I shouldn't have," one last time, since anything longer might snap Annie out of it. She still looked frozen as Jeff got into his Lexus, started it up and drove away like the coward he was once again.


	6. Chapter 6

Annie stayed in the middle of the sidewalk, unable to move a muscle. That had been her standard position for the last half hour, whether it was on the sidewalk, in front of Jeff's car, or in her old home while Jeff lifted her on a pedestal. At least before her mother tore it down.

All this did was make Annie feel numb. For someone who felt intense emotions all her life, this was new to her. But she even felt numbness strongly – enough that she didn't know if she'd feel again. How could she?

It took too much out of Annie not to cry happy tears when Jeff defended her. Then it took much more out of her not to cry and scream at her mother. Then when Jeff admitted even more outside, she didn't know what she was repressing. She didn't know what to feel or think about anything.

This was nothing new after an emotional moment with Jeff. But in those moments, he never admitted anything real to her. Or nothing he wouldn't take back a moment or a day later.

Yet he admitted something very real just now. He admitted real things all morning. And he admitted he meant every word. Sure, he drove away afterwards, but Annie wasn't really mad about that. Not when she finally knew.

She knew how strongly Jeff felt about her. She knew he wanted something more and wished he could try to get it. He couldn't take that back, and when he had the chance, he didn't. Because he…..cared so much about her.

He cared so much that he cursed out her mother and tore her to pieces. He stood up for her like no one ever had, to her mother or anyone. Granted, Jeff was right when he said it wasn't his place. But she could be mad at him later.

Right now she was….what was she?

Annie's euphoria wore off after that.

For all Jeff did for her, she had no idea how she really felt. About him, about what he wanted from her, or what she wanted from him and with him. About anything.

This was everything she'd daydreamed that Jeff, Troy or Zac would give her for years. Now that she had it, she had no idea what to do or feel. She'd been in puppy love and fantasy love countless times, but this was real. Real and unfamiliar.

Annie had never been loved or valued like this before. No one had ever shown her she was _that_ loved and valued. Not by Jeff, her parents, her roommates…..not anyone she had ever met, really.

No wonder she romanticized love, and love interests, all those times. How could she feel or deal with real, deep, lasting love when no one had ever given it to her? Especially when the person who was supposed to give it to her first….never really did.

Now Annie felt familiar emotions again. Sadness. Loneliness. Fear over losing and screwing up what she never really had. But that fear hadn't been new for more than half her life.

Then more feelings washed over Annie. Betrayal. Anger. Bitterness. Fury. Rage.

Jeff thought he ruined her chance to lay into her mother?

_Like hell he did_.

She marched back to her house for the final time, opening the front door without even knocking. Even if it had been locked, Annie felt like she would have ripped it open anyway. But nothing like that stopped her before she found her mother back on her couch.

"I told you…." Ms. Edison said with restrained anger. Yet Annie didn't have a hangover to hold her back.

"Right, but now it's my turn to tell you things!" Annie announced. "Everything I should have told you a long time ago. Everything I was too strung out to say before you kicked me out. You're going to listen to me now, because when I'm done….you'll never have to listen to me again."

Annie expected this would make her listen, if nothing else. Yet instead of looking relieved, she just stayed blank.

"Very well," she broke the silence. "If this is really the end, maybe I need to say some things too. Things I might have explained if your old man didn't jump down my throat. At least it wasn't in the same way he jumps yours."

"Then hurry up, please," Annie insisted before she got too grossed out. Not by what her mom said, but by how she was the one who said it.

"You treat me like I abused you. Like I locked you in a tower and threw away the key. If this is my last chance to get actual _facts _into your brain, I'm taking it," Ms. Edison declared.

"You think _I _mistreat _you_?" Annie gasped.

"I never laid a hand on you!" Ms. Edison explained. "I didn't leave you like your father did! I stayed and I taught you how to be a genius. I gave you a path to be the best student you could be. I encouraged you to do all that reading and learning you love so much. I never wanted you to use shortcuts like pills. I never wanted you to _stay _on pills! _You _pushed me to the edge until I couldn't take it anymore!"

Annie would have retorted if her mother gave her wiggle room to interrupt. Or if she had an actual argument against half that stuff she said.

"I love my work, you know that," Ms. Edison continued. "But I _have _to work that hard to build up my good name, in case you ruin it again. Now it's clear it's only a matter of time until you do. You threaten to tarnish everything I've ever accomplished, and everything I've done to move on, and yet _you're _the victim? I'll tell you what you are!"

Annie already heard more than enough from her about what she was. Therefore, when she said, "You're nothing," she wasn't even that shocked or mad. Maybe she still hadn't fully broken down from what her mom said to Jeff earlier. But then Ms. Edison expanded even further.

"Do you think you'd be as smart as you are without me? That you would be a great student without everything I did for you? That you would have wanted to be the best if I didn't encourage you to be?" Ms. Edison argued.

"You may still think you're special now. But it's only because I gave you the tools to be. Everything you think you are, you are because of _me_," she declared.

"I….I didn't get my friends because of you," Annie argued, weaker than she intended.

"Yes you did," her mother shot back. "You wouldn't have met that old man and those other burnouts if you didn't leave. If you still insist that was my fault, then I get credit for giving you your precious friends too. You can't deny it."

Annie tried to figure out how she could, but it was useless. Ms. Edison went in for the kill and finished, "You only have this precious new life of yours because I made it possible, by your logic. You only have your genius and your love of learning because I made it possible, by any logic. No matter how you slice it, everythingyou have is because of me. So you have no business yelling at me. In fact, you should _thank _me for _everything_."

All of a sudden, Annie felt numb again. This time it might have been even worse.

"You're right," she quietly conceded. "Everything I've ever had or loved, I've had because of you. In one way or another."

She couldn't look at her mother, or the look of triumph she surely had. Annie was ashamed enough that she came in here, ready to get so much off her chest, and she intimidated her again. All those things she'd waited years to tell her….

…..still applied. In fact, her mother's own arguments made them stronger. "But you forgot to list a few things," Annie recovered. She made herself face her mother, vowing not to get sidetracked again.

"I owe you for making me love learning. It's the thing I used to love more than anything in the world," Annie remembered. "I still love it so much. But I loved it even more back then because I had no choice. I loved it because it made me forget my broken home. It made me forget how I was bulled at school. But I really had to love it because if I didn't, I was afraid you'd stop loving me."

"Oh, here we go," Ms. Edison groaned.

"No!" Annie immediately objected. "You can't tell me that. You stopped loving me because I didn't meet your standards. So you can't tell me if I didn't break the grade curve, even before the pills, you wouldn't stop loving me. You'd still support me because you had to look good. But you'd never love me. In fact, you never bothered to make me think otherwise _once_."

"If it made you get straight A's and stay on track for Princeton, what did it matter?" Ms. Edison defended.

"It mattered the world to me," Annie said. "You work harder because you're afraid my 'embarrassment' will overshadow you. You're protecting yourself from me. Well, I worked harder to protect myself from you."

"So you only learned because you wanted love. You _should _have learned to secure your future. That only shows how weak you are, doesn't it? You certainly didn't get that from me," Ms. Edison stated.

"No, I didn't," Annie responded. "You want to know what I _did _get from you? You want to know what I really have to thank you for?"

"Fine, let's have it," Ms. Edison scoffed.

"All right. You think your parenting helped me?" Annie asked. "It made me so scared if I let you down, I'd be worthless to you. Worthless to the only person I still had in my life. Do you have any idea how horrible that feels?"

"You've certainly tried to teach me all these years," Ms. Edison accused. That wasn't the answer Annie wanted, but she had to keep going.

"Even after I 'left' you, I spent years thinking I had to be a certain way, or no one could ever care about me. I still think like that, even now," Annie revealed. "I _still _think if I'm not perfect at school, or anywhere else, I'll be a failure no one will ever love or respect. I mean, if my own mother couldn't love me for not being perfect, how could anyone else?"

"That's actually a good question," Ms. Edison interjected.

"No it isn't! Sometimes it's made me into something awful," Annie informed. "I've done some rotten things because I've been so afraid of losing grades, or people. I almost kept my first real friends from passing their first year. I melted down because another Annie could have been better than me. I almost sacrificed my morals for being the best, more times than I could count. Hell, I almost sold out my entire school because of an anus flag!"

"Okay, that's all I need to know about that," Ms. Edison cringed.

"I agree, but I'm still not done," Annie said. "I finally have a real life beyond school, and sometimes I still don't know what to do with it. Even after four years of real friendship, it still shocks me when they go out of their way for me. You did such a number on my self-esteem, I still can't believe people would _ever _do something thoughtful for me. That someone could love me as much as I love them."

Since this was pretty much what she thought after Jeff left, Annie had to pause to get herself under control. But she recovered and made herself continue.

"I never knew what _any _kind of love was when I lived with you. That's why I romanticized it so much. I did such a good job, I turned into a humiliating school girl when I got my first real kiss," Annie shuddered. "I daydreamed over someone who wasn't ready for stuff like that, and I almost ruined everything! Granted, he ruined a lot himself, but I shouldn't have made it easier for him!"

"Are you still trying to convince me you're a grown up? Nothing you just said suggests that you are," Ms. Edison remarked. "I didn't raise you to be this irrationally emotional."

"You didn't raise me to handle my emotions at all. You didn't raise me to be secure about who I am. Or that I deserved love no matter what I was," Annie said. "It's why I'm still so insecure now, even when I have no reason to be. After everything I've done, I should be so proud and confident about who I am now. But deep down inside, I still feel as scared and fragile as when I lived here."

"I raised you the way I did so you wouldn't be fragile. So you wouldn't have to cling this desperately to other people. You chose to want the wrong things, not me," Ms. Edison declared.

"They're not the wrong things. They've made me happier than any grade," Annie cut to the bone. "But I should have seen that much earlier. You made me so unfamiliar with being loved or cared for, I still don't always know how to handle it. It's made me get so carried away, people still think I'm a little girl who regresses at a moment's notice. I even believe it sometimes, even when it's not the full truth."

"It sounds like the only real truth," Ms. Edison believed.

"There's just one truth I know for sure," Annie dived in. "The truth is no matter how brave I've been…..I can't remember going a whole day without being terrified. I can't go one day without thinking if I do something wrong, I'll lose everyone and everything I've ever loved. No one should be that scared every day of their life. But that's what I got from you instead of real, lasting love."

"You destroyed your life with pills and rehab. How _could _I give that to you anymore?" Ms. Edison lost her temper.

"You didn't give it to me _long _before that! Don't you get it?" Annie yelled back. "You were the only person back then who came _close _to loving me. And you made it clear I was one bad grade away from losing that love. That's not how parents are supposed to raise their kids! Especially kids too scared and lonely to know any better! Even now, even when they have everything! And I'm sick of it!"

Annie caught her breath and tried to speak without crying. "I'm so tired of facing fear every single day. I'm even more tired of it than when I lived here."

She centered right on her mom and continued, "You were supposed to make me fearless. You were supposed to make me believe I could do anything, _and _you'd lift me up if I couldn't do it right away. You were supposed to protect me and give me courage. Not make me too afraid to change, stand on my own two feet and be proud of who I really am. Whoever that is."

Ms. Edison still looked unaffected, but Annie didn't care at all. "I shouldn't have had to learn that on my own. I spent so much time doing it before I turned 21, I'm afraid I'll have nothing left before I'm 30. Or even 25. You were supposed to give me enough to last my whole life."

"And let you coast and lose your priorities? That's not real parenting, no matter what nonsense you believe," Ms. Edison said.

"It's not nonsense," Annie frowned. "What you call real parenting is nonsense. I would _never _put my children through that! If I ever had any, I mean."

"Please don't bother. If you're going to screw up your kids just to get back at me, don't bother. I don't want to be humiliated by grandkids too," Ms. Edison insisted.

"Then don't you come near them. My children won't be near someone who would _ever _feel humiliated by them," Annie said with deadly seriousness. "They would be loved every day of their lives. They might be overprotected sometimes, but I would learn to give them the freedom they deserved. No matter who they were and what they wanted, I would support them no matter what. Even if I didn't warm up to their choices at first. But that's okay."

Annie began to feel warm and fuzzy as she imagined life as a mother. "I might fight with them more than I fought you. But it would never be enough to make me give up on them. I would always see the good in them, even when they didn't see it themselves. I would encourage them to use that goodness however they wanted, and do what they thought was right."

Annie almost forgot her mother was there as she envisioned being with her nameless, faceless children. "I'd set them straight if they weren't actually doing good. But when it was over, I'd always show them I still loved them. That at least one person would _always _stand by them. I would love them for _all _of who they are, not just my favorite parts."

Crying over having and losing hypothetical children would have been too much, so Annie took time to calm herself down. When she was done, she added, "That's the love I'd want my kids to feel all the time. It's the love they deserve to feel , and the love they should give back to other people. It's how I want to be loved. It's how…."

And just like that, it hit her.

"It's how I love Jeff. It's how I love all of them." If that wasn't enough, she recognized. "And it's how they love me. How _he _loves me. At least how he wants to love me."

"You're comparing love for imaginary kids to love for a dirty old liar," Ms. Edison got from that. "And _I'm _the sick one."

Annie brushed that aside, lost in her own epiphany. "I love them the way I've always wanted to be loved. Even when they piss me off," she muttered. "And it's why they love me back. They've seen me at my worst, and they've still never left for good. _He's_ never left. He wants to do everything to keep me in his life. And they would too…."

"If they're so great, why the hell did you need to see me?" Ms. Edison finally got Annie's attention. "I was doing just fine until you came back here. You were doing fine too, at least by your inaccurate standard of fine. So why would you put us through this nonsense anyway?"

Annie honestly didn't know the answer anymore. Yet after a few seconds, she gave it a shot. "I thought I needed closure with you to move on. But I already have. I guess I never really believed it until now. Maybe I had to see you to make it sink in for good."

"You've clearly moved on, all right. Further and further away from acceptable behavior," Ms. Edison stated. "I wanted you to be great. I wanted you to be powerful. But you've settled for being a doormat to underachievers."

"I settled for having a real family, _Dolores_," Annie said pointedly, which got a gasp from Dolores. "That doesn't mean I'm weak, co-dependent or a child. Having people in my life doesn't make me weak. It makes me stronger every day. It makes me feel like I can do anything and be anything, and even if I fail, it's okay! That's because someone will always be there to save me. Or inspire me to save myself."

Annie got quieter as she realized, "Like Jeff did this weekend. Like he's always done. Like they've always done. Like they'd have done if they knew I was here." She finally smiled a real smile as she continued, "Maybe I still don't know about some kinds of love. Or maybe the fear will be too much one day. But that's okay. I'll figure it out because I know them."

"And when they finally get wise to you, what then? Another trip to the psych ward?" Dolores wondered.

"They won't. They could have so many times, but they didn't," Annie reflected. "Even when he pushed me away, he never left. He never will."

"So that means I'm getting giant, morally sketchy grandkids, then," Dolores sighed.

"It doesn't matter if you do," Annie said. "Even if I don't get….everything from Jeff, he's _already_ given me everything. They all have. They've given me everything I never got from you." She laughed as she concluded, "That's why I don't need you after all."

"I could have told you that," Dolores commented, which made Annie finally sit down next to her.

"I don't _need_ you to be part of my family now. But if you ever wanted to be, I'd let you," Annie assured. "I guess I'm naïve for that too. But if the alternative is giving up on people, I'm fine with it. So if you ever change your mind about me, I promise I'll hear you out. If nothing else right away."

This seemed to give Dolores real pause. Annie didn't want to hope for anything more than that. She succeeded in keeping herself calm until Dolores gave her answer.

"I can't. Not when there's a very good chance you'll humiliate me again. I couldn't get my hopes up only to be let down again. I got my hopes up just by letting you come here, and look how it turned out," Dolores lamented.

After that brief moment of weakness, however, she made herself impassive again. "This has happened to me because of you too many times. I can't let it happen again," Dolores explained.

Annie actually understood that, all too well. If Dolores had said that from the start, without so many insults, this would have gone down much smoother. But Annie figured she couldn't change that about her. It was too late, but it was all right.

"Okay. That's all I needed to know," she accepted as she stood up. "The offer still stands, just in case."

"Don't bother. We're both better off not being in each other's lives. You admitted as much, so it's not just me," Dolores reminded.

"I guess you're right. Still…." Annie sighed, now that she knew this really was the end. At least she'd be the one leaving her behind this time. Truthfully, she'd left her behind years ago – she just needed time to let it sink in.

"Merry Christmas, Mom," Annie said as a last goodbye. But she only realized then how Dolores would take that as an insult, although she didn't mean it to be. Still, such a misunderstanding was as fitting an ending as any.

As such, when Dolores looked at Annie blankly and went back to drinking her tea, Annie didn't shed a tear. She didn't make any sad noises when she walked to the front door, or when she turned back for one last look, or when she saw Dolores wasn't even looking at her anymore. Not even when Annie went back to get her overnight bag off the steps.

Annie just stayed quiet and upright as she left her former home and mother. Of course, when she got back into her car and no one could see or hear her, she let out a few tears.

However, she was mostly all cried out already. Even as she sobbed one last time, she knew these were the last tears she would ever cry over Dolores Edison. Or at least it would be the last full on crying jag.

When she wiped her eyes, Annie remembered all the reasons she had not to cry. Six big ones, really. Especially one bigger than all the rest.

She should probably talk to that reason right now. But her guess was he was hiding from her already. Besides, they were likely both too drained for another long talk.

In any case, Annie didn't just need to talk to Jeff. She owed words and so much more to everyone. She would have owed it to them anyway, since it was Christmas Eve.

That's right, it was Christmas Eve. Once Annie remembered that, the rest fell into place.

She started the car as the beginning of a master plan took shape. She didn't even take a last look at her old family home. It was her new family that consumed her now, as she worked out exactly how she wanted to honor them.

As she did so, she remembered to turn off her phone. She had a lot of stops to make and an entire day and night of work ahead, so she couldn't be distracted.

If Annie waited one more second, she would have heard a ring and seen an alert that Jeff was calling. But it went to voice mail – like his next nine calls.


	7. Chapter 7

Jeff somewhat heard Britta, Shirley and Pierce talking on their way up to Troy, Abed and Annie's. But he really wasn't paying attention – even moreso than in Greendale. He was completely and utterly zoning out, using only enough brain power to keep walking. He didn't even know why he was doing that much.

Yesterday's burst of courage to call Annie, and want to _really_ talk to her, was starting to wear off. It drove him to call her eight more times when she didn't answer, then text her about a dozen more times. But when it got through that she wasn't going to answer, his bravery wasted away.

Jeff could have driven over to Annie's that night, but there was no guarantee she'd be there. Besides, if she didn't tell Troy and Abed what happened by then and he wound up blabbing, it probably wouldn't help much. He could have gone back to _her _neighborhood to find out what Annie did when he left. But if he ran into _her_, he might have been driven away in a different car than his Lexus.

His big mistakes, his overdue but seemingly useless honesty, and his usual madness when Annie ignored him combined to shut Jeff down. He stayed home the rest of Christmas Eve and much of Christmas Day, until Troy and Abed sent him and the others a text to come over for a "big Christmas show."

If that show included Annie, Jeff wasn't sure he could sit through the whole performance. Not without making another spectacle of himself – in front of the group this time. But they'd be more suspicious, and perhaps turn that suspicion towards Annie, if he didn't go.

So the name of the game was to look normal, see Annie, show nothing around her and pretend nothing was going on. After over two years of that, it should have been the easiest thing in the world for Jeff. Or it would have been if he wanted to do it anymore.

But thoughts like that wouldn't help him fake it one more time. As such, he got into character and nodded with whatever Britta, Shirley and Pierce were talking about, like normal, before they reached the door.

When Shirley knocked, they heard Troy and Abed call out, "Enter the hall!" in comically stiff British accents. Apparently they'd been dragged into some kind of "Downton Abbey" game. Jeff could fake that he knew all about that, like he had for two years. That could buy a few minutes of peace of mind.

Shirley opened the door, revealing a different look to the Trobed apartment than usual. Now there was a big dinner table at the center, the same size as the study table. Yet it was covered with white cloth that had candles, food and other dinner accessories on top of it. It was almost like Jeff's Thanksgiving dinner, only with different food on display.

In fact, it looked like rather familiar food. If Jeff didn't know better, he could have sworn he saw his favorite type of steak on the table. He looked closer and saw he wasn't imagining things – nor did he imagine the other food nearby. All of which looked like everyone else's favorite dinner meals.

"You're right on time for once! I'll take that as a Christmas gift," Jeff heard an all too familiar voice say behind him.

At that point, everyone noticed Annie emerging from the kitchen. She looked like she'd been up all night and all day cooking, which would explain a few things. At least those were the only things Jeff could explain right now.

He zoned out again, only in shock this time. Yet Annie didn't look flushed to see him or anyone else. In fact, Jeff vaguely registered that she was showing him and everyone to their seats at this dinner table. The seating arrangement was exactly the same as the Greendale study table – except that Jeff's seat seemed to be the spot Annie usually sat at in Greendale.

For her part, Annie was sitting at the spot Jeff would normally sit at in Greendale. Although this was the leader's spot, somehow Jeff thought it was fitting. By then, he actually heard Annie talk about spending all yesterday afternoon buying everyone's favorite foods and fighting off endless Christmas Eve mobs.

That certainly explained why she didn't have time to check her phone. But Jeff zoned out again – albeit not on purpose – when Annie explained the rest. Like how she learned to find and cook Britta's vegetarian favorites. Or when she had time to find this table, let alone bring it inside.

"I know Jeff did this for Thanksgiving," Annie said, standing in front of her seat. Naturally, the mention of his name made Jeff pay attention. "I copied Jeff in a bunch of other ways. But I had more time to go all out."

That she did. On the surface, it was a rip off of Jeff's Thanksgiving, in more ways than one. But Jeff made his dinner on short notice and in the heat of the moment. Annie spent over 24 hours on this – more than enough time to make it personal, meaningful, overly prepared and laced with limitless love, thoughtfulness and care. In short, she made it into her.

"For our part, we let her transform the apartment, use the kitchen exclusively, and go this long without telling us her Christmas road adventures. We were told the payoff would be huge," Abed explained.

"I hope it is so far. I hope it is even after I tell you….and everyone….I didn't have a Christmas road trip," Annie started, making Jeff's pulse race a bit.

"We're still listening," Troy said skeptically. "We're afraid this is the Hobbit all over again, but we're listening."

"I spent Christmas Eve Eve with my mother. And Christmas Eve morning too," Annie dove right in. She hadn't mentioned Jeff, so he had to pretend to be surprised. "It didn't go well at either time. In fact, I probably won't have any time with her ever again. We both prefer it that way."

Jeff didn't have to hide his disappointment, but he did hide his glee that _she _wouldn't get near Annie again. Before he was brave enough to look at Annie, he looked at the concern and sadness on everyone else's faces.

Pierce shut up and just looked sympathetic, while Troy clearly didn't have the Hobbit on his mind anymore. Abed's blank face even looked sad, while Shirley – sitting next to Jeff for once – had her full on "Oh, pumpkin," face on. Jeff glared extra hard at Britta so she wouldn't butt in with her 'expertise' – despite how she was much better at it than he'd been recently. Of course, he was nowhere near ready to let her know that.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Shirley broke the silence.

Instead of matching her sadness and concern, Annie met it with a smile. When she saw everyone looking so concerned – exactly like she expected and hoped – how could she not?

"I'm fine. I really am," Annie exclaimed. "She's just one family member who hasn't loved me for four years. And it doesn't matter. Not when I have something six times better back home."

She outright laughed as she gestured to Troy and Abed. "I actually live in a real, loving home now. With the little brothers I never had," Annie declared, temporarily forgetting if they were older than her. She then glanced at Britta and Shirley to say, "And I have girlfriends who are everything I want to be as a woman. I've never had women like that in my life before." She then got Pierce's attention before he made a girlfriend crack. "And I have the closest thing I've had to a father in a long time. And I'm not ashamed of that."

Then it was time to face Jeff – which hadn't made Annie feel nervous until now. But when she met his gaze, she simply said, "And you've given me more than words can say."

Turning away before she saw Jeff or anyone else react, she added, "But that goes for all of you, too. That's why I did this. I know I'm not being original, but it was the best and biggest way I had to say thank you."

As Annie felt herself tearing up, she got out while she could, "Thank you for letting me be part of your family. No, actually….thank you for letting me _stay _in your family." She sighed and admitted, "I know I haven't always made it easy."

"Yes, you have."

No one was stunned to realize Jeff said that more than Jeff. Yet he willed himself not to care. After he said all those deep things about Annie to _her, _he owed her one meaningful comment to her face. Even with all of their friends there too. But perhaps saying it with them there – potential judgment and suspicion be damned – made it more powerful.

This fueled him to add, "Do you think we'd ever be a real family without you?"

That was too sappy for Jeff to stand looking at anyone afterwards. But he didn't hear any jokes or accusations, or tears from Annie. In fact, when he looked up, he saw that everyone was nodding their agreement to Annie. Britta gave Jeff her old "I'm going to take credit for Jeff being a real boy" smirk, but he could deal with that later.

Just as Jeff noticed Annie's eyes watering, Abed spoke before Jeff was fully entranced. "I'd like to propose a reference. It's an oldie, but it may be one of the more fitting spoofs I've ever done."

He then raised his glass and waited for the others to do it before saying, "A toast. To my roommate, Annie. The richest woman in town."

"Huzzah!" Troy improvised, although Abed didn't take mind.

He and everyone else raised their glass to Annie, as she stayed on her feet despite her emotions. She blindly clinked her glass with everyone else, despite barely seeing anything through her tears. She used her other hand to wipe her eyes before she full on sobbed.

"How about we eat _before _we ring bells and start singing?" she heard Jeff say. "Personally, I think we're due for one non-musical Christmas, don't you?"

Annie loudly yelled "Hear hear!" with everyone else, then said "Let's eat!" by herself. She then finally sat down as everyone else dug into their favorite meals. She merely sat still, her hands below the table and on her knees, trying to take this all in before she started eating.

But she was snapped out of it when something briefly touched her left hand. It felt like an index finger. Yet the only one who could have done that was….

Annie looked to her left, where Jeff sat in what would have been her seat at the study table. Apparently, this put him in position to try and touch her hand below. But he'd done it tentatively, like he wasn't sure it was okay.

However, as Annie looked away so no one would notice anything, she felt Jeff's index finger lightly brush her own. Slowly, she became moved at his effort and what it meant, then touched her finger against his.

They lightly brushed against each other, moving meaningfully but awkwardly – like in an awkward first kiss. Or like the first kiss between people who hadn't kissed in a long time.

After they got their rhythm down, Jeff used his thumb to bring Annie's finger into his whole hand. She then slipped the rest of her hand in and softly held his under the table. At that point, Annie let herself glance at Jeff again, subtly signaling him that she, him – and them – were okay.

Of course, Annie had to put her hand back on the table so she could eat. But on the first chance she got, she dipped it back below and reached out for Jeff's hand again. He took it much quicker this time, setting a pattern where they held hands and shared glances at every opportunity. Fortunately, everyone else loved eating their favorite foods too much to notice.

When dinner was over and they got the table out of the way, the group slipped back into their usual antics and games. It was everything Annie never experienced in her old parties at home – holiday or otherwise. It was the most rewarding Christmas she ever had. It made her feel more loved than she'd ever dreamed possible.

And by the end, it made her completely and utterly _exhausted. _Much of that was the last 48+ hours finally catching up to her. But there was no way her dwindling energy could last for a whole study group party.

Somehow, Annie nearly lasted right up until Shirley, Britta and Pierce left. After that, she was sound asleep on Abed's recliner until Jeff woke her up. He barely got her to stand – and barely resisted not carrying her himself – as he led her to her bedroom.

When they got in, Annie fell right on her face on the bed. Yet Jeff somehow helped her get up so he could pull the covers back for her.

"Thanks," Annie mumbled as she sat back down and got under the covers.

"No problem. You're so light it was almost literally no problem," Jeff joked.

"Not that," Annie forced herself to mutter. "Thanks for being there with Dolores."

Annie was too sleepy to be awkward at bringing it up, yet Jeff wasn't so lucky. "I still shouldn't have been there," he continued to believe. "You could have done all that without me. You didn't need me."

"I don't need you, but I want you. Not like her," Annie said, too groggy to watch her choice of words. Jeff couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, until Annie continued, "What you give me, what we have…..even without…."

Whether she trailed off because she was too sleepy, or for some other reason, Jeff wasn't sure he wanted to know. Nevertheless, Annie recovered to finish, "It's still everything I ever _really_ wanted."

That was a sure fire opening to close the door on anything more, once and for all. To settle for what they had, make the case that it shouldn't be ruined, and assume Annie didn't want anything else. But for all the chances Jeff had to do that in the past, he never shut that door forever – unlike _her _– and he couldn't deny why anymore.

"It's not _everything _I ever really wanted. Not with you," Jeff admitted, repressing his usual denial.

"I know," Annie acknowledged quietly.

"Then I guess the rest of it will be a bonus for you. That's not so bad," Jeff admitted. If Annie was more awake, that would have gotten a bigger reaction – and discussion. Perhaps it made it okay to start practicing this bravery stuff now, before she could lay the tougher stuff on him.

"We clearly wore you out all weekend," Jeff began. "And you've got a birthday in a few days. Not to mention New Years. God knows how the group will wear you down on those nights. Maybe you should spend part of them by yourself. Or with just one person. At least one you can still stand. Or pretend to stand at a public eating establishment. Or some other private place."

"Are you asking me out?" Annie simplified – somehow still more coherent while nearly asleep than Jeff was now.

But while she was barely awake on the outside and much of the inside, her mind was still on overdrive.

It still remembered what Jeff said to Dolores. How he said he wouldn't ask Annie out until he could give her _everything. _How asking her out would be like a marriage proposal to him. How he couldn't ask her out and then fail with her, because he didn't trust himself to get over her if he failed.

He still made it clear he didn't want marriage now, or anything else that deep. Annie didn't really want it either. For all her marriage fantasies and binders, all she knew about _real _marriage was what her parents showed her.

When it came to relationships or marriage, Annie had little frame of reference for a happy medium between unrealistic fantasy and horrible reality. But Jeff didn't either – and he still wanted to try and get there. With her. _Eventually_.

That was what asking her out told her. And when Jeff Winger actually tried at something – and thought it was worth it – nothing could ever stop him, not even himself. In this case, he finally wanted her more than he was afraid to have her and lose her.

In truth, he was more afraid of being _her _than he was ever afraid of being his father. But he wasn't so far gone to admit that out loud yet. Besides, this spoke enough volumes.

If he was doing this, he wanted to do it _all_ with her. Or he wanted to want to want to do it – however many wants he used.

Or at least that's what he was saying if he'd actually asked her out. Which he hadn't officially confirmed yet. In fact, he'd stayed quiet enough for Annie to even think this long.

"Before I say yes," Jeff broke the silence, "Do you want our first….time…." He then shook his head, took a deep breath and corrected, "Date."

Right after it sunk in for both of them, Jeff rushed out, "Do you want it to be on your birthday or New Years?" As Jeff came to terms with putting it all out there, Annie went through a whole emotional gamut inside.

But while her soul was excited, her body was still too exhausted to do anything. As such, she practically yawned while getting out, "New Years. We can do more before midnight…."

Annie's eyes got heavier, but she could still see Jeff breathe a sigh of relief. She could even hear him say, "Well, we don't have to save the date now. We can talk about that and everything else tomorrow morning."

"K," Annie agreed, letting herself nod off, now that it seemed Jeff was leaving. She made herself stay awake just to see him go, as he got up off the bed. But instead of opening the bedroom door, Annie saw through squinted eyes that Jeff was locking it.

"That should keep me from going anywhere until then. And just for extra incentive…." he left hanging. Yet he finished by taking off his shoes, climbing into bed and lying next to Annie yet again – while vainly trying to fit his legs in the bed.

For all that this meant, Annie had no more energy to react or even think. She merely snuggled next to Jeff and laid her head on his shoulder. She didn't want to cuddle last time in case it was too much, yet she was too sleepy to care now – and less convinced that he would mind.

Indeed, Jeff merely put an arm around her as a response, which was all Annie needed to hear.

"Annie?" Jeff said out loud anyway. "If you haven't checked your phone yet….please ignore the fourth, sixth and ninth voice messages I left. And my last three text messages."

"We'll see," Annie muttered, which was the last thing she heard before she fell totally asleep – next to Jeff for the second time. Neither of them planned it to be the last.

But they would have to wear bedtime clothes – if anything – next time out. A bigger bed – maybe in a different apartment – wouldn't hurt either.

**THE END**


End file.
